The Manosphere Report

0:14Hey Charlie Kirk, no, don't shoot him, no, no, don't say that, no, don't say

0:22that, Doug's a Nazi, alright, he's gonna sit right here and chill out, what up

0:28dog, new Netflix special show, out now, you got that right, let's fucking go, none

0:32too please, check it out, we just hit number five, so I'm trying to get

0:35to Uno, well maybe this will do it, hopefully, hopefully, I'll put it up on

0:40my Instagram when the show runs, alright, thank you, thank you, everything helps, it's a

0:45saturated market, I know, there's 19 comedy specials a day now, YouTube and Hulu and

0:51the other thing, 4chan, it's not just that, there's like, just, you're competing with content,

0:57you think about how many fucking shows there are now, it's kind of nuts, I

1:01mean, forget shows, there's shows, there's TikToks, there's reels, there's shorts, it never ends, never

1:07been a time where there's more things to watch and divide your attention, I know,

1:12and then there's the war, yay, there's the war, there's politics, there's OnlyFans, yeah, so

1:20much to pay attention to, buddy, oh yeah, so much, Charlie, we'll just pretend that's

1:26Ari, he's back, well, you know, Ari always gets too high and an hour in,

1:31he just shuts up, don't fall off the table, hey, he looks like the Ayatollah

1:37now, have you seen him, he's got the beard, I know, and he's gay, he

1:40came to the club the other day, he's gay now too?

1:42Yeah, oh, the Ayatollah, oh, the new Ayatollah, yeah, yeah, is that real?

1:45Ah, that's what Trump said, I think that's Israel, he's never lied, oh, okay, I

1:51think they're just trying to fuck with the guy, because if you get, if you're

1:53gay in Iran, they just throw you off a building, right?

1:56He's gonna have to throw himself off, you know, that was like one of the

1:58first places, or the number one place in the world for transgender surgeries?

2:02I heard that, because you couldn't be gay, so you'd rather be a woman, you

2:06say you have to be a woman, you gotta get fucked in the ass, that's

2:09kind of progressive, you can't get fucked in the, well, you can, I guess, they

2:11don't check, but you get fucked in your fake cooter, fake cooter, that sounds like

2:17an Austin bar, fake cooter, it probably will be, after this, Iran, I mean, they've

2:24gotta be terrified, I don't know much about anything, but I would be scared to

2:28fight a country that is having a fist fight on the White House lawn, that's

2:33how badass and crazy we are, like, we're fighting at the President's house, each other,

2:38we're gonna fuck you up, I'm not thrilled about that, you're gonna be there?

2:43Yeah, I'll be there, but I'm not thrilled about it, it doesn't seem like a

2:46wise idea, yeah, it looks like they're targeting the fucking reporter, whoa, hey, Charlie, come

2:52here, buddy, oh, this dog's gonna be a, it's gonna be a whole different show

2:56here, nah, he'll calm down, he just has to relax, he's never been with me

3:02alone before, he's only been with my wife alone, but he loves me, he slept

3:06with me last, he sleeps in the bed with my daughter, so he slept with

3:09me last night, oh, boy, that's good, we got diversity here, it's a brown dog,

3:17yeah, they attacked that reporter, man, crazy, it looked, I mean, unless it was a

3:23wayward missile, which is like, what happened to precision strikes, oh, yeah, they were surgical,

3:28remember they would call them surgical, that's right, imagine calling a bomb that's going like

3:325 ,000 miles an hour surgical, I think they got old equipment over there, they

3:37got Atari and shit, they're way behind, but we hit a school, that was on

3:42us, I think, yeah, yeah, but even in our other countries, we're shooting schools, well,

3:47the school was, uh, unfortunately, what is it, James, whoa, is that the, damn, that's

3:53quite a hit, whoa, that's nuts, Jesus, good, it looks like LA, whatever, it's crazy

3:59that you can capture it, like, how good are these cameras, meanwhile, they couldn't catch

4:03that plane flying to the Pentagon, that's true, right, when you see that thing, that,

4:08that thing looks just like a missile too, right, what do you think that was,

4:11that plane that hit the Pentagon, it doesn't really look like a plane, why would

4:14they be shooting a missile into a, a place that's already been hit by missiles,

4:18and why is it in Russia, oh, that's just the, uh, reporter, Russia, Russia Today

4:23reporter, oh, got it, got it, sorry, yeah, RT, you know, that channel, I, in

4:29Lebanon, oh, in Lebanon, I wonder if they're going after press, because they've gone after

4:35press before, interesting, yeah, I mean, they've been accused of shooting press in Gaza, right,

4:41yeah, smart, because they want to tell their own story, I don't want you in

4:45there with their, your cameras, yeah, what do you think about these Netanyahu AI videos,

4:50I haven't seen them, you haven't seen them, no, oh, they think he might be

4:53dead, what, yeah, there's a bunch of AI videos that Israel has released, that are,

4:59like, clearly AI, what, show, show him the one where there's in the, the cafe,

5:06this one's nuts, like, this one, I would assume, that some kid made, yeah, just

5:12fucking around on his computer, all right, like, I saw it, I was like, there's

5:14no way they're really trying to pass this off, as an actual video of Netanyahu

5:19at a cafe, yeah, in the middle of the war, like, everything is common, peaceful,

5:23that one, yeah, this one, well, that's just a clip, show the actual, BB, it's

5:30on the Israel website, or the Israel Twitter page, oh, really, yeah, no, they released

5:36it, holy moly, yeah, it's, yeah, that's crazy, well, his brother's dead, his brother got

5:42killed in a missile strike, recently, yes, what, yes, they, they struck his, are you

5:48just not online, what's going on, I just watch funny shit and goof around, pour

5:52some of that, let's, I got you, baby, go, come on, give me some, oh,

5:55hey, I thought you quit the sauce, oh, no, I got back on, hey, I

5:59thought you got, Muslim or something, I didn't know what happened, jihad, I'm back, hell

6:02yeah, alhamdulillah, pour me one, easy, Zoran, bodega cat, cheers.

6:10Cheers, hey good to be back when I've already dead weight holding us down.

6:15I don't get drunk I might this off this stuff though, but I have started

6:20drinking again. I took like eight months off It was a good reset.

6:23I mean I you're so sure I'll take a week off, and I'm like limitless

6:27Yeah, well I realized that because of the club I was just drinking too much

6:31right And I was just tired all the time like and I'd go to work

6:34out the next day I was like God I feel like shit Why am I

6:36doing this to myself and then I took eight months off then I had a

6:40glass of wine with dinner I was like oh, I like it, and then I

6:43had a margarita, and I was like oh, I'm back It's a great time this

6:46one. So look at this.

6:47This is AI. That's fake Well people have zoomed in on the the Signs and

6:53stuff and it's not even real writing.

6:55He's saying look I have five fingers We're joking around you know because there was

7:00an AI video before the people are criticizing because it looked like one of his

7:04fingers had grown an extra Appendage right I think that just looked like the crease

7:10of his hand honestly to me Yeah, any this looks fake as fuck first of

7:14all It's weird because he sips out of the cup and yet the cup stays

7:20Exactly the same level and no matter where he moves the cup around it doesn't

7:25spill right like there's there's a moment where he turns the cup like almost sideways

7:31Yeah, it moves way too much for it to not spill at all and why

7:35would he just be doing it?

7:36It looks like an ad for this coffee shop.

7:37Yes hanging out at a coffee shop during a war Oh, you know and also

7:41like how's everybody so casual?

7:43Yeah, he didn't tip though So that's that's the Judaism is but yeah looks like

7:49AI like he looks like he's got a beauty filter on that doesn't look like

7:53a human being Totally, this is silly.

7:56Let me hear what he's saying.

7:57What is he saying? Is it in Hebrew?

8:17Look everybody's happy to see you imagine if you were in that coffee shop you'd

8:20be like, please leave please leave before the bombs come Please leave before they target

8:24you, right? They're trying to find that guy everywhere.

8:26He fucking goes. Yeah Look at that.

8:29See we got the ayatollah in there too.

8:31They fake that one. Look at that.

8:32They're just showing you how easy it is Really good AI platforms now and to

8:37know what they would have that they're not showing is who knows This is he's

8:42got come on. He can't be dead.

8:43He might be dead his brothers.

8:45See that's like look at this Yeah, like the coffee look how turned it is

8:49Right doesn't spill at all.

8:51It just wiggles to the edge and then they've also shown that like on the

8:56register and then some of the signs the The writing's not real.

8:59Hmm. It's very very fucking weird.

9:02Well, all right Drink one for there for Yahoo We hasn't been seen publicly in

9:07over a week. Hmm. So he might be gone Yeah, there's a lot of crazy

9:12shit going on. I can't give up with the Hormuz I don't know what that's

9:15about It's completely closed now.

9:17They they even bombed like the Saudis had another way to move oil Out into

9:23another direction across the Red Sea.

9:25I believe it is and uh, the the Iranians bombed that yesterday Oh, yeah, yeah

9:31Yeah, it's getting hot dude.

9:33It's it's fucking scary speaking live as we oh Okay, he's alive.

9:38Yes in front of people I don't know it's open Twitter back up and this

9:41was there. I wonder so if he is alive I wonder why they would release

9:45that clearly AI video because that like this looks like a normal human, right?

9:50Yeah, kind of it. This doesn't look say that privately.

9:54It's a little glossy No owes a dead of deep indebtedness deep indebtedness to President

10:02Trump for leading this effort to To safeguard our future Hmm Man, but this guy's

10:11been trying to get war with Iran for decades, man.

10:14Yeah. Oh, yeah He's loving this and if he's not by the way if he's

10:18not in war, he's not in office anymore And then and then he gets indicted

10:22right he's in the middle of at least one case one corruption case Mm -hmm

10:29Well, this is his Super Bowl.

10:31He's he's in heaven So there's people in the audience, right?

10:34So this is real I mean, there's that that they're not at this angle doesn't

10:39show them It's like a static angle, but you can hear people's voices which that

10:42you know if we're gonna be oh, they don't show the people You could say

10:45that's fake. Mmm. I need to see the people I need to see somebody hug

10:49them So wait, why are you I need to see somebody jerk them off?

10:52I want to know it's real.

10:54Let's see that no foreskin you imagine if they did show that they just show

10:57them just blasting like 12 -foot arcs Of rope Just fire hose of jizz Oh,

11:05yeah To show how virile he is Manischewitz Yeah Now why are you not why

11:09are you not looking forward to the white house fight?

11:11Um Well, it's kind of a gimmick, you know, of course There's that and you

11:17know, people are criticizing the card, but if it was any other card, it's a

11:20great card Mm -hmm Just they're criticizing it because they said it was gonna be

11:24the greatest card of all time And it's also it's just gonna be a security

11:27nightmare. That's true. You're on the white house lawn Also, they're fighting outside.

11:31What if it rains? What if it's hot?

11:33Mmm You're in the middle of June Right June in D .C.

11:36can get pretty warm Yep, yep That affects fighters Like we only did one outside

11:42fight that I was a part of and that was in Abu Dhabi and it

11:45was a nightmare Yeah, it was really hot and there was bugs flying around their

11:49side of size of fucking birds Oof It was crazy.

11:53It's like stand -up. You got to do it indoors 100 % Outside is hell

11:56for stand -up. Yeah, it's terrible.

11:58Terrible. Yeah, most shows are bad outside, but here's my idea We do white house

12:03fight, but we fight politicians Huh?

12:05You know, Bobert versus AOC?

12:07Now, that's a fight I like that But I think I think RFK would win

12:11everything. I think Jasmine Crockett whoops them all Oh, yeah, she's feisty.

12:15She'd take a shoe off.

12:16She pulls a wig off stuffs in your mouth You can't breathe.

12:19When a black woman takes her earrings off.

12:21I'm terrified. Well, she's not a politician anymore.

12:23She lost right yeah but she'll be around they never leave maybe they go forever

12:29these guys maybe bernie's still cooking yeah but he's the senator he's been a senator

12:34forever i mean she she's lost so who knows what's going to happen now hillary's

12:38around what is she doing she's uh probably eating pussy i think i hope i

12:45mean she needs a relief this guy this lady i kind of like hillary just

12:50because she's you know she got cheated on publicly with the monica thing now she's

12:53doing the epstein's island stuff she lost the presidential race and she's still out there

12:58she's kind of a badass i would kill myself at this point well she's also

13:04got like a list of people that have mysteriously disappeared oh is that right that

13:08are attached to her and bill oh really yeah you don't know about that no

13:13for real i don't know about the clinton body count i know norm was on

13:17the view years ago and he said clinton killed a guy yeah he said killed

13:20a bunch of people i think that's where i get my information it's a good

13:23way to get it from the view super solid detailed information but she's getting like

13:28grilled by the epstein people or about epstein and she's just like going off and

13:34bill's reminiscing well she walked she stormed out because uh lauren bobert took a picture

13:39of her oh and posted it online like that's it i'm leaving yeah how are

13:44you allowed to leave yeah exactly somebody took a picture sit the fuck down you're

13:49not even in office anymore you're just a civilian sit your fucking ass down and

13:53answer the questions yeah like it's just an excuse to leave but you gotta hand

13:57to bill he's denying till he dies yeah i did nothing i was only there

14:02for humanitarian purposes we got photos and everything i was just getting massages and hugging

14:08nice people exactly nothing untoward was done to me or anyone else that was there

14:15as far as i know yeah this is pretty good i didn't see that side

14:19of jeffrey epstein you gotta bring this back hey look at this guy we got

14:28photo evidence that lady's smiling if she claims victim i call her shit she looks

14:32like she's having a good time also that's a woman you know that's true once

14:35you're a woman okay you know unless someone's holding a gun to your head if

14:40we're talking about children we're talking about a different thing but there's a lot of

14:44these ladies that were grown women when they were doing this and the emails that

14:49were exchanged between epstein and these women like they were well aware of what's going

14:54on at least some of them were there was this russian lady it was talking

14:57she was recruiting girls she was saying this one's this one's a fat ass she

15:02needs to lose some weight she's trying to get these girls to work with epstein

15:06right who just lane no wasn't just lane it was some other russian lady oh

15:12damn like these some of these ladies at least were like look the real criticism

15:18the real legitimate criticism is where there are underage girls involved now clearly they were

15:24in epstein's past he went to jail for it the whole palm beach thing would

15:28be underage masseuses but some of these are just ladies who did bad things they

15:36made bad decisions and they probably wound up on that island for money yeah okay

15:41a couple of horror moves oh hey where you going buddy charlie snuck out little

15:46fucker i'm a little worried about i was hoping he looked like he was totally

15:51calm just sitting in that chair oh jamie's got him now bro you're locked up

15:56jamie's used to having a little dog and he's like oh he's giving you kisses

16:00damn not a rogan fan huh doesn't like the pot he's bored no he just

16:05he doesn't doesn't know this environment i think he's weirded out and then he was

16:09out there with the mountain lion stuffed mountain lion the alligators like and the werewolf

16:13he's like what the fuck is this place he's never been here before and there's

16:17weed smoke there's dog scent i think he's a little weirded out the cigars right

16:21everything whiskey in here he probably smells that speaking of which uh you got any

16:25of those stogies yeah let's bust them out i would love a stogie let's go

16:28hell yeah boy see i can't keep up with all the news you know about

16:33epstein you know about iran you know about israel you know about hillary this is

16:37uh i barely know i'm off uh social media i've been off social media for

16:42a while the only time i'm on is when someone sends me something funny oh

16:46yeah i go and check it and then i find myself scrolling for like 30

16:49seconds and i was stop that's how they get you stop fucking scrolling it's impossible

16:54um they're so good at it these say knuckle sandwich where did these come from

16:59hmm knuckle sandwich is uh that can't be the same place because there's a isn't

17:06there a place there's knuckle sandwich which is the sandwich truck in austin which is

17:12awesome and chris brown's album hey go go go go go oh these are guy

17:19fury cigars all right let's hope they're good did you see that bachelorette who got

17:23kicked off for beating the shit out of her husband yo yeah my wife show

17:27my wife's a big uh reality lady and uh that's healthy i know right she

17:33loves it all those 90 day fiance love that shit they love it that and

17:37true crime yes right isn't it weird oh yeah i get the true crime because

17:42they don't really commit those kind of violent acts so they probably need to understand

17:46like the male mind right that makes sense to me yeah but what i don't

17:50understand is thank you i mean i don't know maybe i'm just stuck up it's

17:56almost time for spring break so maybe you're headed to the beach or maybe you're

17:59taking the kids on a road trip or maybe you're just taking some extra time

18:03for yourself no matter what you deserve a break and a reset and ag1 can

18:07help ag1 is your daily health drink just one scoop combines your multivitamin pre and

18:14probiotics superfoods and antioxidants to help support a healthy immune system and digestion plus it

18:21travels really well so you can start working it into your routine even when you

18:25don't have a routine just slip a few travel packs into your luggage and have

18:29a nice flight i've talked about ag1 for a long time and it's not just

18:34me i know a lot of people enjoy it it's very it's very easy it's

18:37very convenient And you deserve to take care of your health.

18:41Visit drinkag1 .com slash Joe Rogan.

18:44And for a limited time, get a bottle of omega -3, vitamin D3, K2, and

18:49an AG1 flavor sampler for free in your welcome kit with your first subscription.

18:55That's an $111 value at drinkag1 .com slash Joe Rogan.

19:02Well, they say it's biological.

19:03They're like, oh, I'm learning how to avoid these scary moments.

19:06No, I get that. Because it is.

19:08It's like my daughters, young daughters, they all love it.

19:11Everybody loves it. Their friends love it.

19:13Yeah. It's like the number one show with ladies.

19:15Oh, yeah. Like the number one podcast with ladies is true crime.

19:20It's great. You know what the number two show for ladies is?

19:23What? You're on it. Hey, get out of here.

19:26Really? Number one with black people, too.

19:28Holla. Hey, take that, Shay Shay.

19:31Holla. All right. Shout out to all my African -American friends.

19:38Hell, yeah. Let's fucking go.

19:39These are not bad. Guy Fieri.

19:42Let's go, Guy. I love Guy.

19:45He's a fun dude. Cool dude.

19:48Got a bunch of yellow cars, though.

19:49That's odd. Yeah. Yeah. He's not the best fashion sense.

19:54You know, shirts with flames on it, frosted tips.

19:57Yeah, but you're paying attention.

19:58That's true. He's got me.

19:59If you want to be a chef and you want to be like a celebrity

20:02chef, you got to either be a great narrator and a great writer like Bourdain.

20:06Yeah. Or you got to be like angry.

20:09Like Gordon Ramsay. Gordon Ramsay.

20:11Yeah. That's true. But what happened to chefs?

20:14When I was a kid, chefs were like fat guys with beards and now they're

20:17jacked with tats. Yeah. Well, they all look like artists.

20:21Because they are artists. I guess.

20:23But it's... I didn't really think of that until I watched Bourdain's show.

20:26And then I was like, oh, these guys are making temporary art.

20:29That's true. Then you get to eat it.

20:30Yeah. But it is art.

20:32It is art. Yeah. They're mixing oils.

20:34There's a lot of chemistry involved.

20:36But they kind of went the same path as porn stars.

20:38Porn stars used to be like voluptuous and hairy, bush, and now they're all like

20:43MMA fighters. They're jacked and taking it in the ass.

20:49It's wild. They're all tatted up and pierced and shit.

20:52One of the things that I've been watching a lot when the world is going

20:54completely crazy, I watch people making street food in other countries.

20:59Oh, that's... With no language, no talking.

21:01It's all ASMR. It's all them cooking.

21:04Oh, yeah. And no regulations either.

21:05Bring them over here. Bring them over here.

21:06Come on. They're not washing hands over there.

21:09Char -char. Char -char. Have a seat.

21:11And they'll use roadkill, whatever.

21:13They don't give a shit.

21:15No. They're using good food.

21:17It was Afghanistan. They were making roast chicken.

21:19Oh, come on. Dude, I'm telling you.

21:21I'll send it to Jamie, and you'll watch it.

21:24All right, all right. It's exciting.

21:25I mean, I ate halal trucks for 10 years when I was broke in New

21:27York. Oh, they're great. They're great.

21:29They are great. But I could be eating pigeon and children.

21:31Yeah, you probably are. Not children, but definitely pigeon.

21:35Probably pigeon's made it into your mouth a couple of times.

21:38All right. Let me find these motherfuckers.

21:41I watch so much. YouTube is my number one thing since I'm off social media.

21:45I love it. It's my number one thing for distraction.

21:50Whoa. Oh, yeah. This is exactly.

21:52Jamie, you're the best. This is it.

21:54Most cheap food in Afghanistan.

21:55This guy, he sets up.

21:58They cook all this stuff.

22:00And you watch. I mean, it's like a 40 -minute video or something.

22:02How long is it? Yeah.

22:03Yeah. It's like a 40 -minute video.

22:05I watched the whole thing.

22:06Just like at home, chilling after a long day's work.

22:10Just watching people cook street food in Afghanistan.

22:13Wow. It looked fucking delicious, man.

22:15Look at those spices. My God.

22:18Yeah. And they have meat in this stew pot.

22:22And they, well, it's like, you know, a big wok, it looks like.

22:25Yeah. And they boil it up with all the salt and all these herbs and

22:29spices. And then they got these roast chickens.

22:32And they take these chickens and they stick them in spikes.

22:35If you back up the video a little bit, it's earlier in the video.

22:38You show they take these chickens and they just have this big flame in the

22:41middle. And then they stick these chickens all around the flame.

22:45This is hell for a vegan.

22:47The shape of that, fun fact, I think, if this is true.

22:49That's because they used to flip their shields upside down.

22:55It's sort of like with the Genghis Khan stir fry.

22:58Oh, that makes sense. I love it.

23:01That makes sense. Yeah, man.

23:03That totally makes sense. Wouldn't it be great if the end is this is a

23:05big drone strike? Well, we don't bomb Afghanistan anymore.

23:09We send them money. Oh, is that right?

23:11Now we send the Taliban money.

23:12Man. We send them a ton of money.

23:13We hook up everybody. Ukraine.

23:15Should go back to the chickens, though, if you back up.

23:18Oh, he's got a little brush.

23:19Oh, there, there. No, yeah, there it is.

23:20So this is how he does it.

23:22So they have this fire in the middle.

23:23And they just take these chickens on a stick.

23:25And they just rotate them.

23:27And they put them in the center.

23:28They put the fire in the center and the chickens all around them.

23:30And they rotate them. I got so hungry.

23:32I had to go in the kitchen to make myself food afterwards.

23:35This is a chicken holocaust.

23:37Yeah, it looks good, right?

23:38Man, it does look amazing.

23:40Yeah, dude, it looks fucking delicious.

23:42I mean, you ever get the rotisserie chicken at the grocery store?

23:44Oh, that's pretty good. It's good.

23:47You just eat it with knife and fork.

23:48No nothing. I know. You, like, that's a good thing to do when you just

23:54want to be completely distracted.

23:55That's what I like. I like watching people make, like, tables.

24:00Yes. Furniture and shit. That, the horse hoof cleaning is great.

24:05I watch that too. Farriers.

24:07What is that? Is that something in us, I think, in eight old times?

24:11It must be. It must be.

24:12Like, there's a nail on his hoof.

24:13Oh, get it out. Get it out.

24:15Get the gunk out. Help the horse.

24:17Yeah, and the horse loves it.

24:18That's a good one. What else is good?

24:20The pressure washing is kind of fun.

24:23That's when I'm really high.

24:24I take an edible. I just wash a guy.

24:26He's just washing a wall.

24:27It goes from black to cement.

24:30Yeah. 32 million views. 32 million.

24:3232 million. Okay. So, what is that?

24:34Why are we so interested in watching people clean up horse hooves?

24:38Well, I think part of it is it doesn't hurt the horse, and it looks

24:41like it would. So, that's kind of fascinating because it's all, what is that, like

24:44cartilage or? It's all like fingernail stuff.

24:47I guess so. It's like giant fat fingernails.

24:49Wow. That's what it's like.

24:51I mean, that's what a horse hooves is.

24:52And if they don't take care of the hooves.

24:53They get real weird, and they look like Arab shoes, where they curl up at

24:58the tips. Yeah, right, right.

25:00There it is. Like that, like that.

25:01There it is. So this must be somebody just completely neglected that poor horse.

25:06But what did horses do in the, you know?

25:08They wear off from running around.

25:09Oh, I see. Yeah, just like a dog's fingernails.

25:13Right. You have to trim your dog's nails, unless the dogs run around outside a

25:16lot, and then you don't have to do anything.

25:18Got it. No, the dogs all happy.

25:19It's like rat teeth. Horses all happy now.

25:20They never stop growing. Rat teeth don't stop growing?

25:23Don't, but beaver teeth don't, right?

25:24Oh, is that right? I didn't know that.

25:26Oh, shearing sheep. Oh, this is good stuff.

25:27Oh. Wow. Isn't it amazing how many views, how many views does that have?

25:32Can I guess? Yeah, 23 million.

25:35I'm going to go. Three million subscribers on the channel.

25:37I'm going to go 80 million.

25:39Three million subscribers. 3 .7.

25:423 .7 million. Oh, okay.

25:44This is just a Greek guy.

25:45Look at that. There's another guy that I love.

25:47The channel's called Wilderness Cooking.

25:50And this guy lives in Azerbaijan, and he cooks in the mountains.

25:53It always looks delicious. And then at the end of it, he has a bite

25:57of it, and he looks at you, and he goes, super.

26:00He gives you a thumb up.

26:02Yeah. It's a great channel.

26:03And that guy's got millions and millions of views.

26:06Oh, yeah. This dude. So he's always, like, he catches fish, and he does all

26:10the things. He makes his own fire, and he's always cooking in weird ways.

26:15Wow. See, this guy's way happier than all of us.

26:18Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's having a good time.

26:19Well, he lives in peaceful mountains.

26:21He's making delicious food. Mm -hmm.

26:23Imagine him on Cameo just saying super.

26:25He could make a billion dollars.

26:28Yeah, but happy birthday, super.

26:31Wow. Who makes the most of Cameo?

26:34They're still doing that? Yeah.

26:35Really? Yeah. Who's, like, the number one earner on Cameo?

26:39That's a great question. I'm sure Dynamite had a run.

26:42It's got to be somebody with a catchphrase.

26:44Is Jimmy Walker still alive?

26:45Oh, yeah. Is he still touring?

26:48I'd imagine. I don't know how he pays the bills.

26:51Yeah. These old guys, you wonder how they have money.

26:53Right. Can that last? Like, how long does Dynamite?

26:56You know what I worry about?

26:57Guys who were, like, middle -axe, like, 20 years ago, and they just faded out?

27:03Like, what are you doing?

27:04I assume Uber or something.

27:06Current leaderboard, John Kirikow. John Kirikow is number one?

27:10Yeah. That's crazy. He's just starting.

27:12So he does Cameos? Who's that?

27:15I don't even know who that is.

27:16Who are all these? John Kirikow?

27:18Yeah. The former CIA guy went to jail.

27:20What? Yeah. He's a golfer.

27:21They put him in jail.

27:22A golfer? That's my buddy Bob.

27:24Oh, you know him? Yeah.

27:25And he's number two? Yeah.

27:26How much money does he make it?

27:27I mean, he does a lot of these.

27:29He was always in a fight, like, with Santa during Christmas time, and John Gruden's

27:33been up here for a while, but he's not currently on here.

27:35Oh, that dude, Soi Tiet, that guy who sings?

27:38Oh, yeah. He's fun. Yeah.

27:40And then, who's red? Is that one of the island boys?

27:44Who's that guy in the lower left corner?

27:45Oh, wow. That guy. Those guys are still at it.

27:48And then the rest of these, I don't know who they are.

27:51So, John Kierkow costs $179 for one of those.

27:55Oh, bam. Dan Marguera's in there.

27:56Good for him. Who else is in there?

27:59Anybody you know? No. No.

28:01Some names I do not recognize.

28:02Nick Foley. Interesting. Oh, Red Dead Redemption guy.

28:06Oh, Nick Foley, the wrestler.

28:08There you go. How odd.

28:10Weird. What an odd thing.

28:12Who's buying a Rappaport? President Donald Trump parody is number 37.

28:18Michael Rappaport? He's screaming enough for free.

28:21Why would you buffer? Oh, buffer's got to be up there.

28:23Of course, buffer. Yeah, of course, buffer.

28:25I've seen people in a hotel, they've heard him doing them.

28:29Oh, yeah, I've seen him do them.

28:29Practicing all that stuff. I've seen him do them.

28:31I've been with him when he's doing them.

28:33How crazy is his story with his brother?

28:34Crazy. Isn't that bananas? Yeah.

28:37That kind of shit blows my mind.

28:38Didn't even know his brother until they were like 30.

28:41And they just found each other with the voice, both fighting.

28:44Yeah. Well, he was like the budget buffer in the beginning.

28:48He was like, if you couldn't afford Michael, you got Bruce.

28:51But now Bruce is way better than Michael.

28:53No disrespect to Michael. Oh, boy.

28:55But Michael gets, you know, Michael's smooth.

28:58Yes. Let's get ready to rumble, which is perfect for boxing.

29:02But Bruce is perfect for MMA.

29:04Yeah, he's got more flair.

29:05He gets you fucking hyped.

29:06Oh, yeah. He's got the suit on.

29:08He's going to drop dead doing that one day.

29:09We've all called it. I know.

29:10Because he gets beet red, and now he's like deep in his 60s.

29:14Oh, yeah. I don't know how old he is.

29:15And he parties, too, I think.

29:16Bruce parties? Oh, yeah. How do you know?

29:18There's a bunch of videos of him.

29:19He got into a fist fight in an elevator with an MMA fighter.

29:22Oh, that was at Frank Trigg?

29:23Yeah. Yeah. Kind of a fist fight.

29:25Wow. Like a little bit of a pushing, shoving, probably.

29:28Frank Trigg would literally kill him.

29:31I know. That's why I'm impressed, because he stood up to him.

29:34Frank Trigg was an animal when he was young.

29:37Yeah. I would not fuck with that guy.

29:38And this was like, I think it was when Frank was still fighting.

29:40That's crazy. I don't think Frank really fought him back.

29:44I think that would be a very quick encounter.

29:46But just the fact that he was up for it.

29:48I don't know what really happened.

29:50I think the story's online somewhere.

29:52Yeah. It's Bruce's version of the story.

29:54Yeah, it's true. You know what I mean?

29:56I don't know. Not that Bruce is lying.

29:58Bruce might have thought he was in a fight, and Frank might have thought it

30:01was hilarious. Right, right. I don't know.

30:03Yeah. But Bruce did martial arts most of his life.

30:06The craziest coincidence of all, and get your fingers ready, J -Mo.

30:10Dennis the Menace, the cartoon, was invented in England and in America on the same

30:17day. What? Put that, you're piping jizz on it.

30:21Get that cooking. Oh, yeah.

30:23Because they were like, oh, you must have stolen this.

30:25So they went back and researched it.

30:28They were both invented, same character, same name, on the same day and the same

30:32year. That makes no sense.

30:34Isn't that bananas? My brain blew up.

30:37That literally makes no sense.

30:38It's crazy. So, that's a fun one.

30:41How is that possible? I don't know.

30:43Just, you know, monkeys writing on a typewriter, eventually you get Shakespeare.

30:46Two guys thinking of the same thing, same day, across the pond.

30:50Maybe that's one of those things.

30:52Like, what is that called?

30:53Like, Berenstain Bears? The Mandala effect.

30:57Oh, yeah. That's not the same thing.

30:59Because that's like when it's not real.

31:01This is something that's real.

31:02That's true. Right. That's right.

31:04Right. No, I'm thinking of the wrong thing.

31:08Perplexity say, our lovely AI sponsor, Perplexity, says there's actually two completely separate Dennis the

31:13Menace comic strip characters that debuted almost simultaneously in 1951, created independently in the UK

31:19and the US. So how would they even know about each other back then?

31:23Oh, sorry, it's 17th and 12th, so they're five days apart.

31:26Who started first? British was the 17th.

31:29Okay. On sale, issued, dated 17th March, on sale 12th March, created by these guys,

31:37American, on 12th March. No.

31:40Like, basically the same day on sale.

31:42On sale the same day.

31:44Unbelievable. Blonde hair, overalls. And it said, go back to what the saying was again.

31:51It said, your son is a menace.

31:54Did they both say that?

31:55No. I don't know. Wow.

31:57Both mischievous little boys, but they look different.

32:01UK Dennis has black hair, red and black jumper.

32:05US Dennis, blonde hair, overalls.

32:07They live in different fictional worlds.

32:09Creators worked entirely independently. No evidence either knew about the other before publication.

32:14So it's treated as a famous coincidence rather than copying.

32:18Wow. Unreal. There they are, side by side.

32:23Wow. That kind of shit is kooky.

32:26It's weird. That's like when rats, you, like, if you teach a rat how to

32:31get out of a maze on the east coast, rats on the west coast get

32:34out of the maze quicker.

32:35No fucking way. Yeah. What?

32:38There's a guy named Rupert Sheldrick.

32:40He calls it morphic resonance.

32:42He thinks there's some sort of, like, communication that all animals have with each other

32:48all over the world that we can't quantify, that we can't measure, but it seems

32:53real. Yeah. Well, apparently I got caught in an ant pile when I was a

32:56kid, and all the ants swarmed on me, and they all bit me at once.

33:00I felt it. I was like, ah!

33:02It was just one big, just wave of pain.

33:05Oh, yeah. They communicated. Well, ants just immediately attack, though.

33:09Yeah. As soon as you get on the ant hill.

33:11But ants are, they're on another level.

33:13You hear about the lady that fell?

33:15She was, her parachute didn't deploy, but she landed in an ant pile of fire

33:20ants. No. And she survived because she was bit, like, a thousand times by these

33:25fire ants. And somehow or another, the ant bites and the adrenaline that caused it

33:30helped, hey, don't jump down.

33:32Stay up there, buddy. Is what kept her alive.

33:35What? Yeah. Wow. That's when you start going religion shit.

33:41I know. Like, how did that happen?

33:42Stay up here, buddy. Stay up here.

33:44Ant bites. Yeah. 1999, her parachute malfunctioned.

33:50She fell 4 ,500 feet.

33:52Her backup parachute opened at 700 feet but quickly deflated.

33:55She continued to plummet towards the ground at 80 miles an hour.

33:58Miraculously, she survived the fall thanks to the fact she landed directly on a mound

34:03of fire ants. Doctors believe the intense shock of being stung over 200 times by

34:08the ants released a surge of adrenaline, which kept her heart beating.

34:11Oh, it's like a clear, she got cleared by ants.

34:15Isn't that nuts? That is kooky.

34:17It's like when those guys jump off the Golden Gate Bridge and a seal, a

34:21guy jumped off, broke all his bones, and a seal pushed him to the shore.

34:25Whoa. That's in the documentary, The Bridge.

34:28A friend of mine did that and died.

34:29Really? Yeah, he killed himself.

34:31It's the number one spot to kill yourself.

34:33Yeah. RIP Tony Anagoni. He's a buddy of mine that was a professional pool player.

34:38I did commentary with him on a pool match in the 90s.

34:43He was in a book called Playing Off the Rail.

34:46It's a great book by this guy, David McCumber, who was Hunter S.

34:50Thompson's editor in, I want to say Seattle, something like that.

34:54I forget what newspaper. But when Hunter was like off the rails and out of

34:59his fucking mind, too, it was perfect and another different kind of off the rail.

35:03Right, right. So he followed my friend Tony all across the country gambling.

35:08It's a great book about like pool hustling.

35:10Yeah. Tony was like a world -class professional pool player and they went around the

35:14country gambling and I don't know what happened with him, but I lost touch with

35:18them and then - Was he Golden Gate?

35:21Yeah. Oh, damn. It's like they all know to go there.

35:23Well, he was a San Francisco guy.

35:25He lived up there his whole life.

35:28And I got this message from a friend of mine.

35:30Tony jumped off the bridge.

35:31I was like, no. Whoa.

35:35Crazy. Well, it's weird because I watch matches sometimes on YouTube and he's doing the

35:39commentary for the matches. Oh, that's crazy.

35:41It's so strange because he seems so happy.

35:44He's enjoying himself. They're cracking up.

35:46And I'm like, what is it that makes someone want to end it?

35:50You know, what is it?

35:52Like, what was - I guess he had like some failed business ventures and he

35:55was going bankrupt and - Well, depression is, you know, was way more unresearched back

36:02then. Yeah. You know, you probably just thought, ah, something's wrong with me.

36:05I got to end this pain.

36:07Yeah. But damn. But yeah, everybody who lived, they said, each of them said separately,

36:13right when my hand left the rail, I was, I regretted it.

36:17Oh, yeah. They all say that.

36:18Every single one. They all say that.

36:19Yeah. Everybody who lives. So don't do it.

36:21It's a terrible idea. Yeah.

36:23Do you remember the one in downtown LA where the guy was like on, I

36:28think he shot himself with a shotgun.

36:29He was like standing on the edge of a bridge and it was live on

36:33TV. Do you remember that one?

36:35No, no. It was like a standoff.

36:37They were trying to get him to not jump, but he had a shotgun.

36:39What? I think I'm conflating it.

36:41Pull it up. But I'm pretty sure he blew his brains out on TV.

36:45Damn. I knew about the fat guy with the gun in the mouth.

36:47Oh, yeah. The old politician guy.

36:50Was he a judge? Was he a dirty - Maybe a judge.

36:52A dirty judge. Yeah, yeah.

36:54That song, Hey Man, Nice Shot.

36:55Exactly. Yeah. And that was a hot video when I was a kid.

36:59Oh, yeah. What is it?

37:00Taste of Death or - Bud Dwyer.

37:02Faces of Death. Bud Dwyer.

37:03Bud Dwyer. That's it. That was one of the first ones where you got to

37:06see a guy die. Like a viral video.

37:08He put a giant gun in his mouth.

37:10Yeah. Look at that, 44.

37:11And everybody goes, no, no, don't do it.

37:13Oh, great. He's like, stay back.

37:14Hang on. Relax. Everyone stay calm.

37:17Yeah. He just shoved it in his mouth and boom.

37:19Woo. Blew the top of his dome off.

37:21And now we just see people get - shot on twitter every 10 seconds every

37:24day i mean the kirk thing i remember waking up and be like good god

37:28the kirk thing's weird the kirk thing's weird because now there's video footage from behind

37:33is that right yeah it i mean the round that he was supposedly shot with

37:38was a 30 odd six which is a big round that's a round that you

37:41kill a moose with uh -huh and it doesn't even have an exit wound right

37:45it don't make no sense it makes zero sense well you hear about this joe

37:49kent yeah yeah they told him not to research or investigate yes so what's up

37:54with that he said that they were told to stop their investigation yeah and that

37:59they were going to handle it and he just resigned and meanwhile have they handled

38:02it like we haven't seen that guy the guy who loves furries who supposedly killed

38:07shari kirk tyler robinson yeah yeah we haven't seen him talk no he hasn't said

38:13he did it he hasn't said he didn't do it there's no known like independent

38:18video of him talking about it yeah and then there was footage of him like

38:21at a yoga shop right way across town like 20 minutes later the whole thing

38:26is like super sus it's similar with the guy who shot trump whatever his name

38:30was he had three names oh yeah that kid that kid was in a black

38:33rock commercial two years before he had no silverware and look his house was professionally

38:38scrubbed and no one can ask questions about that we can't uh deep dive on

38:44that if you do you're a conspiracy theorist i shot a uh presidential elect yeah

38:49not only that but isn't that a fucking conspiracy like that's a conspiracy conspired to

38:54murder the president of the united states yeah it seems like he had help of

38:59course how the fuck did he get up onto that roof how did they not

39:02have people on that roof they said the slope was too steep yeah meanwhile there

39:06were snipers on another roof that had a sharper angled roof oh yeah yeah and

39:12then he has no social media and he has no history it's all kooky super

39:16suspect yeah we can't ask questions or else we're assholes well not only that the

39:21kooky people online now think that that was staged and that you know trump had

39:26that guy shoot his ear like you don't know jack shit about guns if you

39:31think that that was staged i will say the flag going up with the photo

39:34op was pretty was pretty uh perfect but sometimes that's like dennis the menace shit

39:39just lines up perfectly i guess so you know what i mean sometimes weird stuff

39:43happens yeah they like how is this so perfect right right you know yeah we

39:49got to get to the bottom of it but he got shot in the ear

39:51man i saw his fucking ear he had like a little mark on his ear

39:54i remember that get get nick shirley on this shit he's cracking all kinds of

39:58cases bro they the stuff that he just found in california is bonkers if you

40:02see that guy in your town you're fucked yeah well he's a persistent little queef

40:07would you see what the governor posted with newsom's press office posted they posted a

40:12photo of nick shirley like a fake nick shirley like a meme like nick shirley

40:17peeking into windows like hey he's doing your job he's uncovering fraud and what you're

40:24doing is mocking him right you should go oh shit this fraud yeah i'm the

40:29governor they should just open up the investigations into all these places immediately if you

40:34cared but all they want to do is just obfuscate cover it up make it

40:39look silly yeah make it look like he's something whatever he is white supremacist right

40:45right maga whatever maga come up with a name i don't want to get to

40:49it my kids at a somali daycare right now so i don't want i don't

40:53want to say anything crazy but yeah that was that was all kooky and look

40:58i don't know what's real and what is it anymore you know and if you

41:00ask questions you're this you get labeled i don't know it's a wacky time and

41:04yeah happy it's uh a time where we've never had more information and no one's

41:10less sure about it yes and the same with low we're more lonely than ever

41:14and we have more connectivity than ever yeah but it's the kind of connectivity that

41:18people have just it's not that's why i'm off social media it's just not good

41:23for you it's not now i hop on to post things and i get the

41:26fuck out of there but you seem to know a ton of stuff so i'm

41:29like how are you off social media but also knowledgeable google news feed and then

41:34things that inform people send me uh -huh i rely on people sending me things

41:38now which is way better because everybody's always sending you things that are you've seen

41:41this shit holy fuck i say something yesterday about that always youtube deleted i don't

41:46think they did oh really yeah i think it's back or if it was deleted

41:49it was pulled back up the nick shirley thing yeah yeah okay yeah good because

41:54other people said i found it it's right here so it might have just been

41:57a glitch right or it might have been they thought about deleting it and someone

42:01said that's gonna make it worse exactly exactly it definitely makes it worse but but

42:05if it is true i don't know if it all it all is true with

42:08the fraud and everything but i'm like can we stop it can we get the

42:11money back can we help people who are paying taxes who are not getting anything

42:16out of it and it's all going to some guy in a cyber truck like

42:20what where's the redemption where's the uh comeuppance so the well this is the thing

42:25that elon musk told me about during the doge stuff he said the biggest fraud

42:30in this country is medicare fraud medicaid fraud he's like and that if that gets

42:35he goes like i don't even want to talk about it because i don't want

42:36them to kill me he literally said that he's like we're talking about hundreds of

42:41billions of dollars in fraud but don't we have the worst health care or whatever

42:44yeah huh but it doesn't matter it's not about actual health care it's about using

42:50the system to extract money pretending you have a daycare pretending you have a hospice

42:54pretending you have a this and a that and really you're just lying about who's

42:59there and collecting checks from the government because if you have a bunch of clients

43:03like there was one place in minneapolis that was saying they were feeding like 5

43:06000 people a day they never saw more than 40 people there they investigated like

43:10this is just they're just taking money yeah and they're getting millions and millions of

43:15dollars it's crazy but you got to think if this thing has been going on

43:19for so long they probably have a whole system no one's ever investigated it it's

43:24been happening for over a decade and they just like this is what we do

43:27and they're all just cashing in yeah but i don't know like my friend lives

43:31in minneapolis he's an old pal and he's like i've known tim wallace my whole

43:35life he was always the governor and he He's a nice guy, but then you

43:38see this shit and you're like, so is he stupid or is he corrupt?

43:43Well, you can know someone and think they're a nice guy because they're a nice

43:46guy to you. You know what I mean?

43:49Right. Like, I know a lot of people and people say, that guy's a piece

43:51of shit. I'm like, maybe.

43:54But to me, all I can judge is how he treats me and how he

43:57talks to me. But he's going to talk different to me than he's going to

44:01talk to people that don't matter to him.

44:03Yeah, and you only know of his online perception.

44:07Tim Walsh just seems weird.

44:10There's no humans that I know like that, that wave like that, that walk around

44:15like this. It's just not normal behavior.

44:18Yeah. And he stopped his run for re -election.

44:21I saw that. Because of this Minneapolis fraud.

44:23Ooh. So there's something to it.

44:25But he just wants to acknowledge it.

44:26He just wants them to go like, geez, that is crazy.

44:28Holy shit. But instead, it's like, shut it down.

44:31Don't listen to that guy.

44:32Exactly. Just stop making me feel crazy.

44:34You're not crazy. It's real.

44:36It's real. I mean, maybe Nick Shirley, maybe 100 % of it isn't fraudulent that

44:42he uncovered. Maybe some of it's legit.

44:44But there's definitely some fraud involved.

44:47And it's enough that you realize, like, this is, you're talking about enormous amounts of

44:52money. And how long has this been going on?

44:54I know. And also, who's getting paid?

44:57Yes. Is anybody getting backdoor deals?

44:59Is there any offshore accounts that other people have access to?

45:02And they're funneling money and no one knows about it?

45:05Well, let's paper trail this shit and get to something.

45:07We don't make any arrests.

45:09Like, all the Epstein guys are out there.

45:11In England and Norway, they popped a few guys.

45:13Well, that was what the Doge stuff was all about.

45:16That was the whole purpose for it all.

45:17Yeah. The whole purpose for the Doge stuff was to try to uncover a lot

45:21of this stuff. And they found fucking tons of it, hundreds of billions of dollars

45:26in fraud. And what happened to those guys?

45:28Those guys are getting, you know, they're getting questioned now.

45:30Okay. And people are, you know, the guys, the Doge guys are, like, having to

45:35give testimony. Uh -huh. They're like, you know, you shut down important government functions.

45:39They're like, well, actually, these fucking things, nothing was getting done.

45:43And these people were making enormous amounts of money.

45:46Uh -huh. It's like, did you see that fucking bridge that they're building in California?

45:49I did, the wildlife. With the mountain lions.

45:51Yeah. It's over $100 million.

45:54I know. And they need more money.

45:56Yeah. For a fucking bridge.

45:58I know. Meanwhile, Colorado built one, a similar one, for a fraction of the cost.

46:03I think it was $5 million.

46:04Yeah. A fraction of the cost.

46:05Yeah. And completed it. Right.

46:07And it's done. And in California, like, we need more money.

46:09To save the fox. Well, there's so many regulations that you can't, there's so much

46:14red tape, you can't get anywhere.

46:16It's a little bit of that, but they're blaming tariffs in the government.

46:19But shut up. Shut up.

46:21Tariff. I doubt that's what it is.

46:23I doubt it's $100 million and you can't finish it because of tariffs.

46:27That don't make any sense.

46:28Well, we're still waiting on the bullet train.

46:29That started 25 years ago.

46:31Well, that was billions. Billions.

46:33Billions. Still not done. Billions, nothing.

46:34Meanwhile, Japan is whizzing all over the place at light speed.

46:37Have you ever seen, I think it's in China.

46:39There's one that they debuted, they showed in China, and it's just whizzing by these

46:43people and you get to see how fast it is in real time when you're

46:45standing next to it. No.

46:47It's bonkers, dude. Man. It's just...

46:51And you just think, the problem with that is, how much track is there?

46:55There's a lot of track.

46:57Yeah. How many psychos are out there that could just lay something on the track?

47:01Well, that's more American. They don't do that shit.

47:04They're raised better. Someone can do it.

47:06They could, but they're Japanese.

47:08They're repressed. So they get it all out with those trains.

47:13Right? It's like Nick Shirley.

47:15He's a virgin. So he's motivated.

47:17Yeah, that's weird, right? Yeah, that's a little weird, but I'd rather an incel do

47:21that shit than shoot up a place.

47:24Well, there's a lot of these virgin influencers now.

47:27Yeah. Nick Fuentes is a virgin, allegedly.

47:29Yeah, weird. This guy's a virgin.

47:31I don't trust... I don't know a lot of these virgins.

47:33That feels unnatural. Don't get laid.

47:36You're young. It's very normal.

47:38Very, very strange. Very. It's like Zoran.

47:41I don't trust an Indian who never had a job.

47:43Is he Indian? Yeah. Mamdani?

47:46I believe he's Indian. Is he?

47:48Oh, yeah. Is that what he is?

47:49I think he's from Africa, but he is Indian.

47:51Yeah, he's from Africa. But have you...

47:53You never had a job?

47:54Every Indian guy I know is the hardest working dude on the planet.

47:57He's never had a job at all?

47:58No. I think he's a rapper.

48:01Mamdani's never had a job?

48:02No, I don't believe so.

48:03This is his first gig.

48:05That's crazy. I know. Imagine your first gig, you're the mayor of New York City.

48:09On one hand, super impressive.

48:11Very impressive. First gig. Way to go.

48:14The sky's the limit for this guy.

48:15I know. His first job, he was the mayor of New York City.

48:19Yeah, it's like losing your virginity to Heidi Klum.

48:22I think he won because he said he's not going to Israel.

48:26That was smart. And affordability.

48:29Yeah. New York's so expensive.

48:30Well, also, yeah. People are like, we're tired of the rich.

48:32Well, the narrative is the rich people are causing all your problems.

48:35And we need to tax the rich people.

48:36But meanwhile, the rich people in New York are responsible for more than 50 %

48:40of the taxes. Sure. Well, Hochul just said, please come back.

48:42Did you see that clip?

48:43Good luck. Yeah. Good luck.

48:45Good luck. And I think he seems like a nice guy.

48:47I think he's got good intentions.

48:49But it just, you know, you need some experience and you need money because he

48:53keeps saying free, free buses, free health care, free child care.

48:57And you're like, stop saying free.

48:59That should be illegal because someone has to pay for it.

49:01Right. There's nothing free. Nothing is free.

49:03You're just adding to the bureaucracy.

49:05You're adding to the government waste.

49:07You're adding to the possibility of fraud.

49:09Yeah. Meanwhile, you're just releasing people on the streets.

49:12Yeah. And I think I have a theory that Muslim is cool.

49:15Muslim is like the new black.

49:16It's cool. Muslim's hip now.

49:19It's different. It's exotic. It's fun.

49:22I think the problem is people conflate Muslim and Islamist.

49:28Sure. And there's two very different things.

49:29I know a lot of Muslims.

49:30They're great people. Totally. But Islamists are people that want a global caliphate.

49:35Yes. And they want death to the infidels.

49:38This is the difference between Iran and like Saudi Arabia.

49:42Like Saudi Arabia are Muslims.

49:44The Iranians are Islamists. Right.

49:45They're state -sponsored terrorism, the whole deal.

49:48Yeah, yeah. Well, any extreme, you know, like a Hasidic.

49:51...versus Paul Rudd. Yes. You know, Paul Rudd's a fun guy, has a cocktail, he's

49:56a funny movie, and then a Hasidic Jew is like, alright, let me cut your

50:01foreskin off and suck the blood.

50:03Right. Give your herpes. Or these crazy fucking right -wing radical Christian nationalists that think

50:10that we're supposed to be over in Israel so that Jesus can come back on

50:13a white horse. Have you seen that?

50:16No, no. Oh, Jamie, pull that story up that I sent you, or I could

50:19resend it to you if you want.

50:20Wow. There's a crazy story that was on Yahoo about this guy who's a non

50:25-commissioned officer that went to a military debriefing.

50:28Wow. So it was like an operation readiness meeting or a war meeting, and one

50:33of these fucking guys, one of these high -level commanders says, don't be worried because

50:39Trump is anointed by Jesus Christ to bring back the return.

50:43Oh, no. To bring back Jesus' return on Earth.

50:46Commander claimed Trump was anointed by Jesus to cause Armageddon to justify the Iran tax.

50:52Wow. See, that's like up there with Allah will protect me.

50:57Exactly. It's the same shit.

50:58It's the same shit. It's just coming from a different religion.

51:00Yeah, yeah. But it's the same mindset.

51:02Like, look at what he said.

51:04Let's see what he said.

51:07Did you find the actual quote?

51:10There you go. He urged us to tell our troops this is all part of

51:13God's divine plan, specifically reference numerous citations out of the Book of Revelations referring to

51:19Armageddon and the imminent return of Jesus Christ.

51:22Ay, ay, ay. And he said the superior had a big grin on his face

51:26when he said all of this, which made his message seem even more crazy.

51:30Wow. Bro. Scary shit. That's just as scary.

51:34Completely. Those are just as scary as suicide bombers.

51:36It's like people that are like true believers in something that, you know, objectively sounds

51:42a lot like nonsense. I would say there's less blowing up shit with the extreme

51:46Christian guy. Sure, because they won.

51:49Go back to the Inquisition.

51:50Oh, okay. And they were fucking torturing people.

51:53That's a good point. You know, people for, you know, for God's word or for,

51:57you know, for God's service and service of God have done some wild shit.

52:02Oh, yeah. But it's just people.

52:04You know, it's just people when they get into positions of radical belief, they just,

52:09they go nutty. Yeah, it's like a cult.

52:11A cult is just a microcosm of a full religion.

52:14Exactly. You know, it's just some crazy guy who's like, I'm going to fuck all

52:17of you and then we'll drink Kool -Aid.

52:19I used to do a joke about it where I said, a cult is a

52:22thing where a guy creates it and that guy knows it's bullshit.

52:27In a religion, that guy's dead.

52:30Wait a minute. Yeah. Oh, I see.

52:33The religion, the guy who created it is dead.

52:35Oh, right, right. So it's like everybody just believes.

52:37Yeah. But in a cult, you know, like David Koresh.

52:41Or, you know, fill in the blank, the Moonies, whatever it is.

52:44Yeah, the Kool -Aid guy.

52:44Some guy created it and he knew it's bullshit.

52:47Yeah. Scientology. That guy is a science fiction author.

52:50Completely. L. Ron Hubbard. But now he's dead, so it's a religion.

52:53Ah. And they have tax -free, exempt status.

52:55That's good. They're exempt from taxes.

52:58Is that right? Scientology. No.

53:00Yes. That's how they can afford all that real estate in LA.

53:02Oh, they have so much real estate.

53:03Crazy buildings. Yeah. Crazy buildings.

53:05Right in downtown. And that's the nuttiest thing about L.

53:09Ron Hubbard. It's like, he was one of the worst authors of all time.

53:12Oh, he stinks. Terrible. And he's a weird looking dude.

53:15I think he beat his wife.

53:16Did he? Oh, yeah. He was a troubled - You can say that because he's

53:18dead. I watched a little documentary on him.

53:21He's a troubled individual. Well, he was definitely troubled, which is why he came up

53:25with Dianetics in the first place.

53:26Right. He was trying to self -diagnose.

53:28He was trying to fix his own brain.

53:30But it also shows how sad and sheep -like people are because we're like, we

53:34need something. I need something to believe in, something to go for.

53:37I'll support you. I'm alone.

53:39Well, everybody's so lost that anybody who comes along that confidently claims they have the

53:43answer, people just follow. Yep.

53:46Every time. Very odd. Very odd.

53:48It's like, I think it's programmed into us just from the time that we were

53:52in tribes and we had to count on the chief to be correct.

53:56Right. You know what I mean?

53:57But I'm sure you got some psychos who are up your ass.

54:01Who believe everything I say?

54:02Yeah, because you're so big.

54:03You got such a big umbrella.

54:05Yeah, but I'm very clear that I don't know what I'm talking about.

54:08That's the key. And if I do, it's like very specific things.

54:12So I'm like, I can tell you for sure that this is a fact.

54:15Right. You know, because, you know, I'm an expert in a few things, but other

54:18things I'm like, you know, don't listen to me.

54:20Yeah. But this is what I think.

54:23Well, you're one of the few guys who will go, oh, you know what I

54:25said last week? I was wrong about that.

54:28You have to. Nobody does that.

54:30You got it. Well, because they're all, they all just want to be right all

54:33the time. Yes. And they all, they all connect their identity with being correct about

54:39whether it's COVID. Right. Like COVID ruined a lot of people's credibility.

54:43A hundred percent. Because they were all in on the vaccine, all in on this,

54:46all in on the lockdowns, all in on the masks.

54:49Yeah. And once it was revealed that all that stuff was bullshit, the vaccine didn't

54:53really prevent infection, didn't really.

54:55Those people just never came out and said, you know what, I was wrong.

54:58I know. And that would go so far, but nobody will do it.

55:02And then the right and the left, they both just want their side to win.

55:05So they're like, just. Exactly.

55:06It's like when the ball goes out of bounds on your team, you're like, I

55:09didn't see shit. Exactly. And then the other team's like, what are you crazy?

55:12We got video footage. Yeah.

55:13It's cheating. It's cheating. You're cheating in the game of discourse.

55:17Right, right. The game of discourse is you're supposed to say what you really think.

55:21And then when you think something differently, you say, okay, I was wrong.

55:24Yes. You have to be able to say, I was misinformed.

55:27I thought it was this, but it's actually that.

55:30Yeah. That's why those videos are so fun when they go to a college campus.

55:33They're like, can you believe what this Trump said this?

55:35And they go, that's racist.

55:36He's a piece of shit.

55:37And they go, actually, that was Biden.

55:38And then they go, oh, well, what are you going to do?

55:41I got class in a minute.

55:42I got to go. You don't vote for me.

55:45You ain't black. Yeah. Remember that?

55:47He's got a couple N -words, too, out there, by the way.

55:49Does he? Oh, yeah. Pull it up.

55:51Biden had a few. Well, I remember when he called African -Americans super criminals, right?

55:57Whoa. Or super predators. That was during the 1994 crime bill, which is he was

56:01really responsible for a lot of that.

56:03Mm -hmm. The 94 crime bill.

56:05I mean, people forget about that.

56:05Like during the Clinton administration, like Clinton in a lot of, Clinton was a great

56:12president in terms of what he did, balanced the budget, great, got ahead in the

56:16office, but you know, let it go.

56:19Oral office. Let it go.

56:21Yeah. Let it go. But other than that, like he did a lot of things

56:25that were really good, but one of the things that he did that wasn't really

56:28good was the 94 crime bill.

56:30So many people wind up going to jail for the rest of their lives.

56:33That's true. That's true. So many families, so many lives lost.

56:37Yeah. People that could have turned their life around, never got a chance, locked up

56:41forever. Yeah, and deported a lot of people too.

56:43Oh yeah. Not as much as Biden.

56:45Excuse me, not as much as Obama.

56:47Well, yeah, he was the king of that.

56:49Not only did Obama deport more people than Trump, they arrested more Americans accidentally.

56:55Really? Than Trump. Yeah. The percentage of Americans arrested was higher and also the deaths

57:01were higher. Also, he had two terms.

57:03True. So you got to think about that.

57:04True, yeah. But nobody got shot in the street.

57:09What do you mean? Like his ICE didn't shoot anybody that I know of.

57:13No, they did. Oh, come on.

57:14They did kill people. Yeah, they killed people.

57:16Civilians? I don't know if it was civilians or if it was actual illegals that

57:23they were trying to deport, but there was definitely a bunch of people that were

57:25killed. I want to say it was somewhere in the range of 30.

57:3030? Yeah. Well, no social media back then either.

57:33Right. That's big. Big. Big.

57:36That changed everything. Mm -hmm.

57:37They could cover up everything back then.

57:39But wouldn't you like to talk to Obama and go, ah, come on?

57:41That was crazy, right? Well, Maren talked to Obama and he just kind of softballed

57:45him. You know, he just was like, he let Obama just kind of talk.

57:50Well. He did it recently.

57:51He did it twice. And both times it was kind of the same thing.

57:54But he is an icon and he was a good president and he seems like

57:57a cool guy. He was a very good statesman.

58:00Yes. Like the way he talked was great.

58:02But he also said he was going to protect whistleblowers and he went back on

58:06all that. They even removed that part of the Hope and Change website.

58:10Whoa. The Hope and Change, his Hope and Change website when he was running for

58:13president was all about removing whistleblowers.

58:16So what does it say here?

58:17No documented cases of ICE agents directly killing anyone.

58:21There you go. Such as through shootings or excessive force during Obama's presidency.

58:25However, 56 individuals died in ICE custody over that period.

58:30Well, he did the cages.

58:31Okay. So that's how they died.

58:33So it wasn't shootings primarily from medical issues.

58:36Like they had lead poisoning from bullets, inadequate care or whoops.

58:42He hung himself in a two foot cell with reports highlighting substandard medical treatment contributing

58:49to at least eight cases between 2010 and 2012.

58:52Most custody deaths under Obama were attributed to natural causes, heart disease.

58:57Well, you definitely, you're dealing with a lot of people that snuck in.

59:00Not suicides, hanging or violence by agents.

59:04Uh -huh. Interesting. Interesting. And what's up with that wife dick?

59:11Just a little levity, folks.

59:12I wish that was true.

59:14I know. It would be so fun.

59:16Just a goof. I think the French one's true.

59:18The chef? No. Candace Owens, the woman she was saying that Macron's wife is a

59:24man. Come on. Yeah. No way.

59:26Yeah. I don't think so.

59:27I don't, I might be wrong.

59:29I mean, she's a little, uh.

59:30Something's odd. She's odd. She's a little transy.

59:33Yeah. But I don't think.

59:35You ever see the way she sits?

59:36Pull it up. I have not.

59:37She sits like a dude.

59:38No. What, man's bread? Yeah, man's bread.

59:41Is that right? The odd alignment of the hips seems very masculine.

59:47You know, that's why men sit like that.

59:49It's not because we're dicks.

59:50It's like your legs go out like that, whereas women's legs go inward.

59:54Sure. Because they have birthing hips, and the angle is different.

59:58I thought it was the ball bag.

59:59Nah. Well, I see. It's a little bit of it.

1:00:01You're airing it out a little bit, whereas a woman has a clam, so there's

1:00:05no resistance. Well, that's why you don't trust guys who sit like Ari, with that

1:00:09leg over the top, that cross -legged thing.

1:00:12Yeah, and ironically, he's got a huge bag.

1:00:14He's got a big bag and a big cock.

1:00:15Crazy shoe hog on that guy.

1:00:19Little baby arm. Yeah. Big old fucking sack.

1:00:24He's doing good. He's doing good down there.

1:00:26Watch how she sits. Boom.

1:00:27Look at that. Oh, yeah.

1:00:28Yeah, wow. That's how a dude sits.

1:00:30That was a manly sit.

1:00:32Even the walk. I know.

1:00:34The stature, the skeletal frame, everything.

1:00:37Looks like John Denver. It looks like a guy with tits.

1:00:40Right? Boom. Look how it sits.

1:00:42But that's not the weirdest thing.

1:00:44Come on. The weirdest thing that everybody accepts, the fact that they started their relationship

1:00:47when she, air quotes, was 40, and he was like 14 or 15.

1:00:52That's crazy. That's crazy. If that was reverse guy to girl, that would be a

1:00:56headline. Exactly. Big time. But it's French.

1:00:59It's in France. True. So they're like, oh, we're different in France.

1:01:03They're sexual people. They didn't fuck with me, too, in France.

1:01:06They were like, no, no.

1:01:07We like being... Because they would take the whole country down.

1:01:09Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Men and women.

1:01:11Look, that's a woman, supposedly.

1:01:13Italy, too. Take her down.

1:01:14Take them all down. Italy's like, we hit the ladies and we catcall.

1:01:18That's our thing. Oh, they're animals.

1:01:20Oh, yeah. I was in Rome with my kids in a taxi.

1:01:23It was just me and my kids.

1:01:26And this fucking driver of the taxi stopped the car in the middle of an

1:01:30intersection to catcall some lady.

1:01:34No way. Who had a big ass.

1:01:36Who was walking across the seats.

1:01:37He was like, monimonia, monimia, look at that ass.

1:01:40And he just kept driving.

1:01:41I was like, these people are animals.

1:01:42It's kind of charming with that voice, though.

1:01:44It is. But you've got to realize, like, if you're in Rome, these are the

1:01:49descendants of the people that were there when the Colosseum was running.

1:01:53These are the people that were there when the fucking Roman games, when Rome was

1:01:56conquering the world. Of course, they're savages.

1:01:59Right, right. Of course. They're the descendants of savage, direct descendants of some of the

1:02:04most savage people that ever walked the face of the earth.

1:02:07Yeah, those gladiators and shit.

1:02:08The Roman Empire. They fought lions.

1:02:10They took over everything. Right.

1:02:11And then they got the Vatican right there, which is a weird fucking country that's

1:02:16in the middle of their city.

1:02:17I think that's good balance.

1:02:18They got crazy shit with the origin.

1:02:20The wine, and then the gay stuff, and then they got the Vatican.

1:02:23To me, that's kind of healthy.

1:02:24Jesus gives you a free pass.

1:02:26You just got to say you're sorry.

1:02:27Right. He's got to confess.

1:02:29Best loophole of all time was that confession bullshit.

1:02:31I think they did that just to get information on people in the town.

1:02:35Find out what they were doing.

1:02:36That's true. God says it's okay.

1:02:39You still go to heaven.

1:02:40You got to tell the priest.

1:02:41And the priest immediately went and told the mayor.

1:02:44Oh. Yeah. Informant. 100%. Never thought of it that way.

1:02:49Of course. How else would you get people to tell all the dirty shit that

1:02:51they're doing, all the crime they're committing?

1:02:54Oh, God. That's the way you get them.

1:02:56I went to Catholic school.

1:02:57I told those fuckers everything.

1:02:58Did you? I was in the box going, I jerked off to my aunt.

1:03:02She's got huge tits. I really went off in there.

1:03:05It was like a podcast.

1:03:06I never got to sit in one.

1:03:07I went to Catholic school only for one year, but I was first grade.

1:03:10Did you make it out?

1:03:11Oh, I made it out, and I was like, I'm never going back again.

1:03:13It queered me off of religion forever.

1:03:16That's a weird term to go with.

1:03:18This is not real. Of course.

1:03:20This lady, I don't remember anybody's name from the time when I was six, but

1:03:23Sister Mary Josephine, I'll remember that cunt till the day I die.

1:03:27Oh, yeah. She was so mean, and I was so confused, because I had only

1:03:31been with my mom and my dad and my grandparents who were all nice to

1:03:36me. Yes. I had never been around anybody mean to me.

1:03:39Right. And then all of a sudden I'm around this vicious bitch who's supposed to

1:03:43be like the person of God.

1:03:45Exactly. But they would wrap your knuckles.

1:03:47Oh, yeah. I think they were all repressed or something.

1:03:49Oh, 100%. They needed some vitamin D.

1:03:51Yeah. Get that dick. They didn't get no dick.

1:03:54That's a crazy rule, too.

1:03:55You can't fuck. And you know why they came up with that rule?

1:03:57No. Because all the priests were fucking everybody, because they were the rock stars.

1:04:00Whoa. They were the guy who talks to Jesus.

1:04:04He's the guy on stage.

1:04:05Yeah. The guy on stage.

1:04:06How many, how many, how many, how many, how many.

1:04:08And he's just, well, get them all.

1:04:10And then they decided, hey, you can't fuck if you want to be a priest.

1:04:14But then they went to kids.

1:04:15Of course. That's what happens.

1:04:16You're only going to get gay guys or pedophiles who are interested in that.

1:04:20Uh -huh. The gay guys fuck each other.

1:04:21The pedophiles try to get the kids.

1:04:23Right. Because you get isolated time with the kids.

1:04:25Right. Like teachers. Like how many teachers get caught?

1:04:27One of my kids' schools, they just busted a guy.

1:04:30Get the fuck out of here.

1:04:31Back in Calabasas. Whoa. Viewpoint.

1:04:34My kid went and took this guy's classes for, I think, two or three years.

1:04:38What? Yep. He was taking upskirts photos.

1:04:42Whoa. Inappropriate photos. Was jerking off to him.

1:04:44Admitted that the photos made his heart race.

1:04:48Whoa. And seeing his kids as full -on pedophile.

1:04:51Was a part of this, like, very nice private school.

1:04:55Yeah. I think he was there for six or seven years.

1:04:58Did you meet him? I must have.

1:05:00Oh, my lord. I must have.

1:05:01You shook this guy's hand.

1:05:02I must have. He was my kid's teacher.

1:05:04I must have met him.

1:05:05I don't remember him. You got daughters.

1:05:07Uh -huh. Yeah. Oh, mama.

1:05:09Luckily, nothing happened to them, but they remember he talked too much.

1:05:12Ah, interesting. My daughter said he just kept, he just wouldn't shut the fuck up.

1:05:16He talked too much. He's spitting game.

1:05:17Bah! But what about these Florida whores who keep banging the students?

1:05:22There's something, there's like an epidemic going on.

1:05:24Give them a pass. Give them a pass.

1:05:25I mean, look, I'm not knocking it, but - That's different.

1:05:28I think that beats priests now.

1:05:30It's only okay if they're hot.

1:05:32Sure, but some of them are like, damn, I'd fuck her.

1:05:34Exactly. Those are okay. I don't know about okay.

1:05:37But if it's some big troll -looking lady with no neck, her chin starts at

1:05:42her, her neck goes straight down to her chest.

1:05:45Yeah. Some Jabba the Hutt -looking beast, you'd be like, you monster.

1:05:49Right. What'd you do to that boy?

1:05:50Yeah. But if it's some blonde lady with big tits and glassy eyes, like, eh,

1:05:54she's probably on SSRIs. Didn't know what she was doing.

1:05:57Sure. And maybe, like, the husband can't get it up, and this is a virile

1:06:0014 -year -old basketball player or something.

1:06:03Yeah. How about that lady who was a mayor?

1:06:05She was a mayor at some town in, like, Louisiana, and she was fucking some

1:06:0916 -year -old. That was crazy.

1:06:12And they show the husband all over the news.

1:06:13I'm like, this poor fucking guy.

1:06:14What a cuck. Poor fucking guy.

1:06:16Man. Her fucking wife is getting banged by a high school basketball player.

1:06:20And she was pretty. She was not.

1:06:22Not that. Very pretty. Kind of milfy.

1:06:24Kind of milfy, for sure.

1:06:25But that's the thing. I have a bit about it.

1:06:26They never show the kid.

1:06:28I want to see that kid.

1:06:29What's he? Is he some kind of young stud?

1:06:31Yeah, a lot of them are.

1:06:32Okay. You just can't see them because it's inappropriate.

1:06:35Sure. Because they're underage and they're victims.

1:06:38Well, of course. You ever hear Zach Galifianakis' joke?

1:06:40I die to high -fiving?

1:06:41Yes. That's a great joke.

1:06:44Great joke. He was a great joke writer.

1:06:46Oh, he's a great comic.

1:06:47Great comic. Live from the...

1:06:50Purple Onion. Purple Onion, yeah.

1:06:51Yes. Great fucking special. Great special.

1:06:53He had that thing where you'd get fake angry and play the piano.

1:06:55He's a good dude, too.

1:06:58Good guy. He's a really good dude.

1:06:59Every time I've had interactions with him, I'm like, this is a...

1:07:03He's not Hollywood at all.

1:07:05No, no. He's a South Carolina guy.

1:07:07Bought a farm. Lives on a farm now.

1:07:09Yeah. See? Barely works. Yeah.

1:07:12He just kind of lives his life.

1:07:14I mean, he's kind of a phenom.

1:07:15His stand -up was good.

1:07:16And then he just like...

1:07:17You know, Todd Phillips fought for him in The Hangover.

1:07:20They're like, we don't know this fucking guy.

1:07:21He's a nobody. And he's like, I'm telling you, this guy's good.

1:07:23And he stole the movie.

1:07:24Stole the movie. Yeah. No, he's a great comic.

1:07:27And that Between Two Ferns thing.

1:07:28Oh, it's brilliant. Amazing. Brilliant.

1:07:31No, he's great, man. Yeah, he just gets you on.

1:07:33He got Seinfeld on. He's trashing him.

1:07:35He's trashing Paul Rudd. He's got like all these...

1:07:38That's great. He was a great friend to Brody, too.

1:07:42Yes. When Brody was going through one of his moments where he got off medication

1:07:47and he got a little crazy, and we started noticing it at the store.

1:07:51Like, instead of being funny, he was on stage, he would actually get angry.

1:07:54It was like really weird.

1:07:55And he came back. But there was a while where he was like really lost

1:07:59it. And Zach reached out and he's like, don't interact with him.

1:08:02We're trying to get him treatment.

1:08:03We're trying to get him back on his meds.

1:08:05Like, he went off his meds.

1:08:06I love it. Good dude.

1:08:08Good dude. Solid dude. There's a video on YouTube.

1:08:11They're out there. Yeah, they're out there.

1:08:12Solid people are out there.

1:08:13He's a normal guy. And you could tell these...

1:08:15I feel like Hollywood is like COVID where it fucks your brain up eventually.

1:08:18And he got out and moved to a farm.

1:08:20Yeah. So that's how you know he's sane.

1:08:22But there's people that are in Hollywood that stay solid.

1:08:26Like when I had Matt Damon and Ben Affleck on, I was like, I'd be

1:08:29friends with these guys. Yeah, I listened to that one.

1:08:31They're normal. They're normal off the mic, on the mic.

1:08:34They're... cool like they're cool over there in the lobby they're regular they talk to

1:08:39everybody like i've met matt damon a few times i actually ran into him in

1:08:42italy it's really crazy in a restaurant where he was sitting below a photo of

1:08:47him oh there's photos of all these celebrities that come and eat at this place

1:08:51yeah and he was one of them and he was there and he was sitting

1:08:55there like and then i walked i had met him before so i go hey

1:08:58matt i was like but he's cool he's normal he's like a regular guy well

1:09:04he hit the lottery with that script i know right yeah and they're both like

1:09:08good looking they're nice they're cool they're smart yes they're really like ben affleck is

1:09:13underrated intelligence like when he's talking about ai and what ai is actually promising versus

1:09:19what they're actually capable of what they're really trying to do is increase their market

1:09:22cap and get more money invested i'm like oh clever clever and i think he

1:09:28sold signed some deal with them for millions and like change the game with netflix

1:09:32big time yeah it's a fucking giant giant deal big deal that for 600 million

1:09:38dollars they said was that for the rip no no no no no no no

1:09:41he sold an ai company oh that's why he knows so much about it oh

1:09:45that makes sense he kind of broke it down on here and then like two

1:09:47weeks later he sold it that makes sense he's ahead of the curve that guy

1:10:21Yeah, both of those guys are good.

1:10:23And they've stayed friends forever.

1:10:24And banging J -Lo for that many years has got to...

1:10:28He gave it his best.

1:10:29I mean... Try to tame that horse.

1:10:30She sucks. She's quite a Clydesdale.

1:10:34Oh, I bet she's so fun, though.

1:10:36Yeah, but I think she's a malignant narcissist.

1:10:39Duh. But, by the way, that's the only way you stay that hot when you're

1:10:4580 years old. Smoke show.

1:10:47She's a smoke show. Yeah, that rump is...

1:10:49She could completely be a granny.

1:10:51I know. And she looks fucking amazing.

1:10:53I want to put a blue ribbon on that, heinie.

1:10:55You've got to be a narcissist to keep that up.

1:10:57I guess so. I mean, the skin.

1:10:59Her skin's perfect. Everything. And it doesn't look crazy, like filler.

1:11:03Nutty. It just looks like pure.

1:11:05Yeah. Like she's just not aging.

1:11:07I know. Nuts. It's at the Puerto Rican blood, I guess.

1:11:11Maybe it's that. It's good genetics, for sure.

1:11:13But it's also just upkeep and care and being aware of what you look like

1:11:17and taking care of yourself.

1:11:19Right. Like I saw one of those Instagram things where they showed people from like

1:11:23the 80s how old they were.

1:11:25Yes. I've seen that. Like Archie Bunker.

1:11:27Yeah. Archie Bunker, when he was playing Archie Bunker, when Ed O 'Connell was playing

1:11:30Gardner. He's 10 years younger than me.

1:11:32Carol O 'Connor. Carol O 'Connor.

1:11:33Yeah. That's right. He was 10 years younger than me now.

1:11:36Whoa. Right? I think they did a cocoon one with Paul Rudd and Ed Brimley.

1:11:41Yes. Same age. He was like 48.

1:11:4348! You know, Mrs. Robinson was 39.

1:11:46What? 39 and The Graduate.

1:11:49And she's like the old bag.

1:11:50That's crazy. Now they've got 39 -year -olds walking on 6th Street who look like,

1:11:55you know, Cindy Crawford. Right.

1:11:58They're hot. I update my hot women.

1:11:59Megan Fox. There you go.

1:12:01I'm stuck in the 90s.

1:12:02Ah! Yeah. It's odd, man.

1:12:06Yeah. Oh, she looked 39.

1:12:10I guess so. Like 39 in the 80s.

1:12:12That's Mel Brooks' wife, you know.

1:12:13Yeah, that's what 39 looked like.

1:12:15That looks like 60 now.

1:12:16I think she's pretty sexy.

1:12:18Not bad. Look at that.

1:12:19Ooh, not bad. Come on.

1:12:20Especially for someone who never went to the gym.

1:12:22Yeah. Like, ladies, they didn't do nothing back then.

1:12:24They walked. Well, and the dudes, too, could be completely no definition and still be

1:12:30like a leading man. Right.

1:12:31The only one who was, like, really ripped back then was Charles Bronson.

1:12:34Wow, yeah. That motherfucker. Action star.

1:12:37Yeah, but he was. I mean, even before he was an action star, like, that

1:12:40guy was just fit. Fit.

1:12:42He, like, wiry. You know when he did Hard Times, that movie?

1:12:44Yeah. He was 50. No.

1:12:46Yes. Wow. Yeah. That's impressive.

1:12:49Shredded. Well, all these, Liam Neeson.

1:12:51No TRT. Liam Neeson's old and taken.

1:12:53I was looking this up.

1:12:54The Golden Girls were all playing, like, 10 years younger than what they were.

1:12:57Wow. That's nuts. That's nuts.

1:13:00Oh, 53. They were playing 79.

1:13:03She was 62. She was playing 53, but she was 63.

1:13:08Oh, wow. Wow. That was a great show.

1:13:10She was playing 53 and she was 52.

1:13:12The one lady, that's crazy.

1:13:14Bea Arthur. Rue McClanahan. Betty White.

1:13:18Is Betty White still alive?

1:13:19Nah, she kicked it. How old was she?

1:13:21I don't know, but Keith Richards beat her.

1:13:24That guy. How? How? How?

1:13:27He's like J -Lo. He's the male J -Lo.

1:13:28I saw the Stones at Circuit of the Americas a couple of years ago.

1:13:32Fucking incredible. Yeah. He still shreds.

1:13:36I know. Both of them.

1:13:37Jagger's out there. Just dancing around.

1:13:39Yeah. You're like, Jagger's not, like, standing still.

1:13:42Like, have you ever seen?

1:13:43It was one of those old guys who was in Vegas.

1:13:45Like, one of them guys from, like, the fucking 60s.

1:13:48Like a Wayne Newton type?

1:13:49Yeah, what is his name?

1:13:51Frankie Valli. Frankie Valli. Oh, Valli.

1:13:53Bro, it's, like, all lip syncing, and he can't move his lips anymore.

1:13:57Yeah, I believe it. And he looks like a statue.

1:13:59Mm -hmm. It's odd. That is odd.

1:14:02Yeah, those guys. Meanwhile, Mick Jagger's butt in your lips, baby.

1:14:06Dancing, moving around. I know.

1:14:08And they did a 90 -minute show.

1:14:10Wow. Cranking it. He's got peptides or something.

1:14:13Look at this guy. Oh, this guy's dead in the water.

1:14:15Let me hear some of this.

1:14:17This is, like, Mitch McConnell.

1:14:18I mean, he's just stiff.

1:14:19But he's, like, a board.

1:14:21Yeah. You got any volume on this bitch?

1:14:23Poor bastard. Here we go.

1:14:24Someone talking about it. Oh.

1:14:25Well, hats off to still go out there.

1:14:27He probably has to. He's got debt.

1:14:31Have you seen Barry Manilow?

1:14:32No. Ooh. Rough? Weird. Really?

1:14:35Go to Barry Manilow's Instagram.

1:14:37He sings, but he's got, like, filler, and it looks like his chin's disappearing.

1:14:45And I don't know how old he is, but he's not that old.

1:14:48But he's not that old.

1:14:49Like, look at this. Oh, they start to look trans.

1:14:54God, this is weird. It's like an animatronic at Chuck E.

1:14:57Cheese. Right? That's what it's like.

1:15:01But that's not even a weird one.

1:15:03Go to his, uh, his, the one on the far right.

1:15:06Right there. Click on that one.

1:15:08Listen to him talk. He's like Kermit the Frog.

1:15:13Look at his hair. That's awesome.

1:15:15Is there any chance, how much would you bet that that's a wig?

1:15:18Everything I own. It's all fake.

1:15:20Everything's fake. Everything. But the face is like, guy, let yourself just age.

1:15:25Don't do the filler in the boat.

1:15:26So this is when he was younger.

1:15:28Yeah, he's a handsome guy.

1:15:28So this is, this looks good.

1:15:30This looks legit. I mean, it just, when they start pumping stuff into their cheeks,

1:15:36it's just like, look how you got stung by bees.

1:15:38It's just weird. Yeah, it's weird.

1:15:40It's a weird look. We all know.

1:15:43Just, what do you do?

1:15:43It looks weirder. It's worse.

1:15:45Just age. I know. We like age.

1:15:48With women, it gets really strange.

1:15:50Because there's a thing that bodybuilders get and anorexics get, body dysmorphia.

1:15:55Well, you can't see yourself the way other people see you.

1:15:58Right. So you don't realize that it's weird that your cheeks are that big.

1:16:01Yeah. Is that what it is?

1:16:03Oh, yeah. Well, you know when you're drawing something and you're painting and you're like,

1:16:07all right, it's done. I'll add a little more.

1:16:08I'll add a little more.

1:16:09And then before you know it, you ruined it.

1:16:10But, well, you get obsessed with the little minutiae and you're just focusing on weird

1:16:15parts of your face. Yes.

1:16:17Maybe you got a weird little smile line right here and you don't like it.

1:16:20You're like, fill it in.

1:16:21Yes. It swells up. You're like, good.

1:16:24Yeah. And they get used to it.

1:16:25We see them after eight months and you're like, good God.

1:16:28Yeah. But they're just gradual.

1:16:30Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they don't realize how crazy.

1:16:32Didn't Ryan Gosling, aren't people accusing him of getting a bunch of stuff in his

1:16:36face now too? Like, there was some photos of him on a red carpet.

1:16:39It looked real weird. I get the hair implants.

1:16:42I get it. Do that all day.

1:16:43But as a dude, you can age.

1:16:46We're all right. We're like Jason Statham and all these guys.

1:16:48They look fine. Yeah. Let it go.

1:16:51Let it go. Don't do the filler thing.

1:16:53It's just, you're changing the shape of your face.

1:16:55It's also, there's a, there's a ratio, the golden ratio of your face.

1:17:00Like when you do something weird to your face, it throws people off.

1:17:04Right. You're the width of your face and the closeness of your eyes, the size

1:17:08of your nose, all of it fits within a certain ratio.

1:17:12Yeah. And when that ratio is off, like when you have a really thin face,

1:17:15but a small nose, everybody's like, Hey.

1:17:17Yes. Where's that Ari nose?

1:17:19Right. I need to see that big old beak that makes sense with this shape.

1:17:23We like it. I mean, look at Jennifer Grey.

1:17:25She cut her nose off.

1:17:26Lost her career. Lost her career.

1:17:28And she was a cute, you know, little juberon.

1:17:31Yeah. She had a big nose.

1:17:32Like, so what? She was beautiful.

1:17:33Beautiful. You don't have to like be perfect.

1:17:36No. Perfect ain't the way to go.

1:17:37Look at Bill Murray. That guy looks like an old fart.

1:17:40Yeah. I mean, he looks crazy, but it's Bill Murray.

1:17:43He's a cool guy. I love Bill.

1:17:45He's my childhood hero. I really enjoyed talking to him.

1:17:47Oh, yeah. You had Bill on.

1:17:49He was a good one.

1:17:50That must have been pretty nerve wracking for you, huh?

1:17:52No. No, it was cool.

1:17:54He was real easy. It wasn't nerve wracking.

1:17:56He was a little like nuts when you first meet him, but he had no

1:17:59idea how I was. Whoa.

1:18:00He doesn't watch podcasts. Really?

1:18:02Yeah. He had heard of me.

1:18:04He's like, you're Joe? I'm like, yeah.

1:18:06Like, it wasn't bullshitting like some Hollywood people do.

1:18:08I'm sorry. Your name is.

1:18:09Right. He wasn't doing that.

1:18:11He's not online. Doesn't have a phone.

1:18:13He said he had to get a phone to talk to his kids.

1:18:15Whoa. That's it. Yeah. Man.

1:18:17You know what else doesn't have a phone?

1:18:18Woody. Woody Harrelson. Really? You got to get a hold of him, you got to

1:18:21get through his wife. Damn.

1:18:23Sucks with a wife, though.

1:18:25He's happy. He's like, leave me out of everything.

1:18:28Yeah. You can't get a hold of him through email.

1:18:31Leave me out of it.

1:18:32He seems interesting. I remember that SNL he did?

1:18:35Where he just outed COVID shit?

1:18:36Yeah. That was interesting. Yeah.

1:18:38He's great. I saw him at Kill Tony once.

1:18:41He hangs out at the club all the time.

1:18:42Really? Yeah. He's in the green room all the time.

1:18:44But he like hangs out normal.

1:18:46Like talks to everybody. Doesn't big time anybody.

1:18:49Like he's talking to door guys.

1:18:51He's talking to fucking everybody.

1:18:52Normal. Damn. Yeah. He's cool.

1:18:55Cool dude. I mean, white man can't jump.

1:18:56He's one of my favorites.

1:18:57He's awesome. He's just, he's real.

1:18:59Like that guy's a real, I've hung out with him multiple times now.

1:19:02I really enjoy talking to him.

1:19:04There's a few of those guys.

1:19:05They make it through and they're still cool.

1:19:07But one thing that a lot of them have in common is they stay out

1:19:11of social media. They stay offline.

1:19:14They just live. They just live.

1:19:16Yeah. Well, how was... He's in the cloud.

1:19:19You meaning... He's a pothead.

1:19:22All day. Oh yeah. He's like those rappers that call it living in the cloud.

1:19:26I've never heard that. They're never not high.

1:19:28Like a Lil Wayne or something?

1:19:29They're high all day. Constantly high.

1:19:34I don't know how they do that shit.

1:19:36I don't know how they do that shit either.

1:19:37Like those people just wake and bake and then go out and do stuff and

1:19:40then they just keep smoking.

1:19:42I mean, there's comics in the green room in New York who'll just smoke weed

1:19:44for like three hours and then go on and do another set and they hang

1:19:47out. I'm like, if I smoke weed for three hours, I'd be crying in a

1:19:51fetal position. It's insane. Yeah.

1:19:54I wouldn't be getting anything done.

1:19:55No. You'd be so locked in your own head thinking about the world.

1:19:59But I think people's mental chemistry is different.

1:20:02For some people, I think weed is like a legitimate medicine.

1:20:05It keeps them together. Yeah.

1:20:07And they're not hurting anybody.

1:20:09No. Why is it okay to be on SSRIs and OxyContin, but it's not okay

1:20:14to just live in the cloud?

1:20:15That's a good point. Well, they're medicating.

1:20:17Yeah. In a little bit.

1:20:18A hundred percent. I mean, that's what I was doing with alcohol as a teenager.

1:20:21I was so anxious and nervous and I wanted to fit in.

1:20:23I would just drink for like social lube.

1:20:25Most teenagers are doing that for that same reason.

1:20:27They want to be able to go to a party and relax.

1:20:30And not feel like everybody hates them or isolated or weird or who's judging me.

1:20:36Just wee. Yeah. Like my nephew, he's 16, never drank, and he's a virgin.

1:20:40He's got no friends. He plays video games all day and he gives me shit

1:20:43for drinking. He's like, it's so unhealthy.

1:20:44But I'm like, this is unhealthy.

1:20:46Yeah. You're just, you got no friends.

1:20:48You never fingered a girl.

1:20:49You don't go to parties.

1:20:51Nothing. It's weird that there's a lot of kids doing that now.

1:20:5485 % alcohol sales are 85 % down with Gen Z.

1:20:58What? 85 % and I just started a liquor.

1:21:02Yeah. So I'm fucked. I'm fucked.

1:21:05But, yeah, it's weird. I'm like, how do you cut loose?

1:21:08I think they're all scared of being cringed.

1:21:10They're all scared of being filmed.

1:21:11We were so lucky. We could just get after it, fuck up, drive drunk.

1:21:15You really think that's it?

1:21:16I think that's part of it.

1:21:17Somebody told me that kids don't dance at dances anymore because they're too scared of

1:21:21being, go viral. You know, look at this white guy dancing like an idiot.

1:21:26Cringe, hashtag. I think that's part of it.

1:21:29People are just so happy to catch people doing something and ruining their whole life.

1:21:33That gotcha culture, it's horrible.

1:21:35It's horrible. And the type of people that want to do that, they should be

1:21:39shamed. Yes. That is a horrible behavior.

1:21:42Thousand percent agree. That's where we're at.

1:21:45I mean, people scan videos just to be like, gotcha.

1:21:48Well, you said this, you said that.

1:21:49They go through your old tweets, whatever it is.

1:21:51But we need to flip it and make those guys get in trouble.

1:21:55A hundred percent. It's like when someone has a false rape accusation.

1:21:58How come they don't go to jail?

1:21:59You almost made a person go to jail.

1:22:02Right. And it turns out that they didn't do anything and then you just skate?

1:22:05Yeah. That's insane. They were going to go to jail.

1:22:08Forever. Forever. For nothing. For nothing.

1:22:11That's crazy. For something you made up.

1:22:12Yeah. And then you just skate because you're a woman.

1:22:14I know. That's insane. Or you're a guy.

1:22:16Sure. Like there's guys that have fake rape accusations against other men.

1:22:20Right. It's nuts. I know.

1:22:22It's a bummer. But I guess it's human nature.

1:22:24It's powerful. I don't know.

1:22:25I know. But we should punish the people that make fake claims.

1:22:28I agree. That's crazy. They should have to do half the time of the sentence.

1:22:33Like think about the Amber Heard Johnny Depp thing.

1:22:35Yeah. Like he gets exonerated at the end of it.

1:22:37Everybody kind of sees her talk and they go, oh, she made up a bunch

1:22:40of shit. He's okay. Right.

1:22:42But meanwhile, what happened to her?

1:22:44Nothing. Well, she was humiliated, but yeah, she lost the money, I guess.

1:22:47But when you falsely accuse someone of crimes.

1:22:50Beating her. Like beating you.

1:22:52She got a makeup lady to put shit on her.

1:22:53He could have gone to jail for 10, 15, 25 years.

1:22:59That's cruel. That's unusual. That's psychopath.

1:23:01And tried to ruin his life.

1:23:03Like that's what, you know, Jordan Peterson talks about that, that women are, they're experts

1:23:07in reputation destruction. That's what they like to do.

1:23:10And that's what she was trying to do with him.

1:23:11Well, they can't fight. Right.

1:23:13So that's kind of their way, I guess.

1:23:14You know when they kill people?

1:23:15You know how they do it for the most part?

1:23:17Antifreeze and the oatmeal? Poison.

1:23:18Yeah. They get it slow over time.

1:23:21I was reading about this lady who wrote a book about helping her children get

1:23:27over grief. And she sold this book because her husband died.

1:23:31And then they just arrested her for poisoning her husband.

1:23:34Oh my God. Yeah. Wow.

1:23:37Yeah, she killed him. It was in 2022.

1:23:39At least they got her.

1:23:40How'd they find out? But she was like crocodile tears.

1:23:43It was so hard for me to lose my beloved Steve or whatever the fuck

1:23:47his name was. What, did you see the Rebel Wilson thing?

1:23:49No. Oh, J -Mo. She accused a guy of sex trafficking.

1:23:56And she accused Sacha Baron Cohen of telling her to grab, to finger his asshole.

1:24:02What? When meanwhile, what he really said, it's on camera, like she was supposed to

1:24:07grab his ass in a scene.

1:24:08And he said, you know, you stuck your finger right up my arse.

1:24:12Like, take it easy. Uh -huh.

1:24:13And she said, he told me to finger his asshole.

1:24:16Whoa. Something along those lines.

1:24:18Whoa. Yeah. Why would he say that?

1:24:21Well, he is Sacha Baron Cohen.

1:24:23Sure, sure. That is Borat.

1:24:24Yeah. So what did she accuse someone of?

1:24:27She accused a guy of being a sex trafficker, I believe, with children.

1:24:30And they caught her on a hot mic or somebody on a hot mic saying

1:24:33their plan. They like spelled it out.

1:24:36What? And so she's in hot water.

1:24:38Well, she should be going to jail.

1:24:40Sure. Like that, you can ruin someone's entire life.

1:24:44Rebel Wilson versus The Deb.

1:24:46What's The Deb? That was a movie.

1:24:48Oh, okay. Four lawsuits explode as leaked audio alleges smear campaign against producer.

1:24:54Well, she was another lady that used to be really big, and then she got

1:24:57kind of hot. She slimmed down a little bit.

1:25:02So what did they actually catch her?

1:25:05Um, okay, what it says, the producers, so what it says, she alleged this, Page

1:25:12Six reported that the dispute intensified after leaked audio raised questions about an alleged smear

1:25:18effort linked to a crisis PR team working on her behalf.

1:25:21Wilson used social media to accuse billionaire Sir Len Blavatnik of funding both the film

1:25:30and the legal actions against her.

1:25:32Days back to 2024, Wilson accused the film's producer, including songwriter Amanda Ghost, of inappropriate

1:25:39behavior towards the lead, played by Charlotte McInnes.

1:25:43She also accused them of embezzling funds from the film's budget, engaging in retaliatory behavior

1:25:49after she raised concerns and trying to block the film's premiere at the Toronto Film

1:25:54Festival. Yikes. The producers later filed a defamation suit against Wilson in Los Angeles.

1:25:59Wilson then filed a countersuit that expanded on her sexual harassment and embezzlement allegations.

1:26:07McInnes, McInnes? Is it McInnes?

1:26:09Yeah. McInnes publicly denied Wilson's claim that Ghost had sexually harassed her and then filed

1:26:15her own defamation suit against Wilson in Australia.

1:26:19Wow. So the lady she was saying was being sexually harassed filed a defamation suit

1:26:25against her. Another twist. This is when it gets good.

1:26:29Hollywood Reporter published leaked audio that allegedly captures members of Wilson's team discussing fake websites

1:26:35that would paint Ghost as a sex trafficking madam.

1:26:39Wow. In the recording, one person can be heard saying, we can't just do that.

1:26:45Like, oh, she's a bitch.

1:26:47She sucks. It's like, it's got to be really, really heavy and connected to something

1:26:52that heavy. Wow. Go to jail.

1:26:58Yeah. Go to jail. If canceling works, you can use it.

1:27:01You can weaponize it. She addressed the con, Wilson addressed the controversy in a series

1:27:05of Instagram stories. She says, I was going to wait to take the stand, but

1:27:08the absolute bombardment on me as a person via heavily paid crisis PR firms recently

1:27:14has taken its toll and it's impossible to say nothing, she wrote.

1:27:17She also said. Everyone who knows me knows I a true rebel.

1:27:22Oh, she's a rebel because her name's Rebel.

1:27:25I say it how it is.

1:27:27Oh, wow. Another post added, I am pretty strong in all caps.

1:27:33And when push comes to shove, I'm going to get on the stand and tell

1:27:36it like it is. Holy fuck.

1:27:38These people are fucking crazy.

1:27:40Scary stuff. There's so many of these people that are just not just narcissists, but

1:27:44sociopaths at the same time.

1:27:46Right, right. Narcissists and sociopaths and then recently hot.

1:27:50Yeah, yeah. So it's like new powers.

1:27:52Exactly, new powers. New hot powers.

1:27:55You know who I'm loving, though, is this Doja Cat.

1:27:58What about her? So she's some pop star who I don't even know.

1:28:00I'm an old boomer queef.

1:28:01But she went after Timothee Chalamet when he made fun of ballet.

1:28:05Did you see that whole thing?

1:28:07Oh, and then she said she was just virtue signaling.

1:28:09Yes, which I commend her.

1:28:11I'm like, she apologized. She goes, I was just trying to get clicks.

1:28:13I'm sorry. That's hilarious. That's great that she backtracked and she came clean.

1:28:18I love that. It is funny that she just admitted it.

1:28:21I know. She was probably high.

1:28:22She was probably high like, what am I doing?

1:28:24Either way. What the fuck's wrong with me?

1:28:25I'm on board. We need more of that.

1:28:27We need more people going, ah, fuck, I was high.

1:28:30You know, Louis C .K.

1:28:31said this about social media stuff.

1:28:33He goes, it's just talk.

1:28:34But the problem is it's written down.

1:28:36Like people say things all the time that aren't right.

1:28:38They shouldn't have said it.

1:28:39Right. But when it's written down, it's like, oh, it's documented.

1:28:42Yeah. You know, and then everyone can read it forever.

1:28:45He goes, but it's just talk.

1:28:46Right. It's just talk that you could read.

1:28:48That's true. It is true.

1:28:50And it's in stone forever.

1:28:51Right, forever. On the internet.

1:28:53And people are never going to forget it.

1:28:54You could say something retarded at a party when you're drunk.

1:28:56Yeah. And then call your buddy the next morning.

1:28:58I don't know what the fuck I was saying.

1:28:59I'm sorry. But if it's written on Twitter.

1:29:02Yes. They'll never let you forget it.

1:29:04Again, why kids can't fuck around.

1:29:06They can't cut loose because they'll get written about.

1:29:08They must be so paranoid.

1:29:09I feel bad for them.

1:29:11They can't enjoy youth. Youth is when you do stupid shit.

1:29:14And when kids do get shamed, like it will.

1:29:17Like if something happens to you in high school.

1:29:19Oh, it's traumatizing. It's traumatizing.

1:29:21And you can go back to high school.

1:29:22I remember going back to high school like years later, like driving by.

1:29:26And I would get nervous.

1:29:27Yes. Yeah, the pimp. Yeah.

1:29:29The same feeling that you got when you were going to school there.

1:29:32Totally. And I didn't have a horrible high school.

1:29:35No, me neither. But still.

1:29:37Still, yeah. Now imagine if I did.

1:29:38Imagine if something terrible went down in high school.

1:29:41And I was there. Like, oh my God.

1:29:44Well, you see these poor girls who get bullied for being fat.

1:29:46Then they become anorexic or whatever.

1:29:48It goes all kinds of different ways.

1:29:51Guys who got beat up.

1:29:52I got bullied pretty bad in school.

1:29:55Yeah. And that can fuck with your confidence forever.

1:29:57Of course. There's some guys who get bullied in high school and they just never

1:30:00recover. Yeah. Now you can do that on social media in two seconds and some

1:30:04kid will kill himself. Yeah.

1:30:06Happens all the time. And then there's like pylons that people do.

1:30:09Yes. When comics do pylons, I'm like, good Lord.

1:30:13I have like a mental list of people that do pylons that I'm like, I'll

1:30:16never fuck with you again.

1:30:18Yeah. I don't want to ever talk to you.

1:30:20Right. If I ever see you, I'm like, you're just, you're waiting to turn on

1:30:24people. It's strange. Yeah. And as Bill Burr would say, we're all eating a shit

1:30:28sandwich out here. Like, why do you have to make this harder?

1:30:30Yeah. We're trying to be comedians.

1:30:32It's like a crazy job to go for.

1:30:36Well, one thing that they all have in common is they're all not doing well.

1:30:40Like, it's all comics that are failing.

1:30:42I guess so. Yeah. And then they're seeing all these other people that are taking

1:30:45off and doing really well.

1:30:46Like when Shane, when they piled on Shane.

1:30:48Yeah. It was because Shane's talented and they were really kind of scared of him.

1:30:53Right. Because when someone like that guy could take off and now he has taken

1:30:56off. And now they're fucked.

1:30:58They can't say nothing. And then we all remember.

1:31:00Of course. Like, hey, you're the cunt that piled on.

1:31:03Yeah. All that shit was going on with SNL.

1:31:05Fuck you. You got mad at a comic for saying something inappropriate?

1:31:08That's what we do. Not only that, it was completely out of context.

1:31:12I know. He was pretending to be a person who'd never been in Chinatown before.

1:31:16Right. Who was a racist.

1:31:18Exactly. That was his quote.

1:31:20But they could get him because he had a big gig.

1:31:22Exactly. He got a break.

1:31:23So now we can take that away.

1:31:24And that's kind of the root of it.

1:31:26It's losers. You know, it's not like Chris Rock's not trying to take people's gigs

1:31:29away. You know what I mean?

1:31:30Yeah, of course. It's only losers.

1:31:31Yeah. It's only people that don't have anything going on.

1:31:33Well, Shane's got a, he's got a, he's like a fucking Buscemi and Billy Madison.

1:31:37He's putting that lipstick on and he's, he's got a list.

1:31:40Good. Yeah. Good. He knows everybody.

1:31:43Yeah. Good. Fuck those people.

1:31:44You don't have to do anything to them, but just know them.

1:31:47Know them for what they really are and never fuck with them again.

1:31:50Yeah. Avoid them. Just keep writing jokes, keep killing and live your life.

1:31:53Yeah, just keep killing. You don't need those fuckers.

1:31:56And there's always going to be people like that in every business, in every industry.

1:31:59There's always people that aren't doing so well that haven't got their life figured out.

1:32:04They want to attack the people that do.

1:32:05Yeah. It's a bummer. Oh, we have beers.

1:32:07What's up with the beer?

1:32:08I brought a few in if you wanted one.

1:32:10Lone Star. I don't like that Bud Light shit.

1:32:12No offense, Mulvaney. I don't mind it, but I'll prefer a Lone Star.

1:32:16Cheers. Cheers. Hey, now we're mixing liquors here.

1:32:21My dogs finally went to sleep.

1:32:23Ah, hallelujah. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit.

1:32:26I was going to say something.

1:32:27Doja Cat. That was big.

1:32:29Cunts. A lot of cunts in the world.

1:32:30Yeah. But there's a lot of great people.

1:32:32I think cunts are important because they make you appreciate nice people.

1:32:35Right. You know? If I didn't know any cunts, maybe I wouldn't like you.

1:32:39Right, but I see the cunts and I want to hug them.

1:32:42I want to go, come on, what are we doing?

1:32:44I do, too, but it doesn't always happen.

1:32:47You know, I made up with Maren.

1:32:49I heard. Yeah. Good on you.

1:32:51Well, the funny thing is you never really started anything.

1:32:53It was all him. But it's that thing.

1:32:55It's like he wasn't doing so good.

1:32:56And he's also separate from us.

1:32:58He's doing great. He's in movies.

1:32:59I know, but it's like he's not doing as well.

1:33:02I guess. It's all comparative.

1:33:04Ah, it's so sad. Comparison is the thief of joy.

1:33:06I agree, but he's in the Joker.

1:33:09He's talking to Obama. He's like, he's killing it.

1:33:12He should be killing it.

1:33:13Yeah. But it's like people compare themselves to other people.

1:33:16It's very toxic. It's very bad.

1:33:19It is. It is, but it's - Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

1:33:22Right. Do a better job.

1:33:24That's it. Figure out what you fucked up yesterday.

1:33:26Do better. Compare yourself to your friends and get inspiration from it.

1:33:30Now, were you ever jealous of a guy?

1:33:31Oh, yeah. Definitely. There you go.

1:33:32Okay, I wouldn't mind taking that guy down or that girl.

1:33:35No, no, I never thought I don't have that instinct either No, I never wanted

1:33:39to take someone down, but I definitely have felt jealousy But then I realized that's

1:33:42a bitch feeling mmm, you know And they're like don't like you should be inspired

1:33:46and nothing comes from it nothing But it's also I came from a martial arts

1:33:50background where you have to have people better than you are as good as you

1:33:55around Or you won't get better like you're like in competition So if you're competing

1:33:59against like elite people all over the country like I was doing when I was

1:34:03in high school and afterwards If you don't have people in the gym that are

1:34:07better than you You're gonna get fucked up like you need to be around the

1:34:11best people in the world Like I had national champions in my gym, right because

1:34:15of that I had to rise to a very high level so they were very

1:34:19valuable to me Sure, so instead of like being jealous like was he the champ

1:34:23and I'm not instead of that You're like I see what this guy's doing.

1:34:27I see what he's going through I want to mirror his behavior.

1:34:29I want to be inspired by him step it up And you can do that

1:34:32with comedy too with everything else But I will say martial arts is a more

1:34:36objective that guy pinned you that guy knocked you out This is this comedy thing

1:34:40is subjective and uh people go I'm funnier than that guy and I'm like I've

1:34:44never seen you kill Right, so that's true.

1:34:46That's true. That makes it harder.

1:34:47That's why we love sports, right?

1:34:49There's an ending. Oh, you got more points the basket goes in the net exactly

1:34:53the ball goes in the basket.

1:34:55That's it Yeah, yeah, but that's the problem We're so tribal now that like people

1:34:58vote the right way or they they tweet the right thing But they're still mean

1:35:02as shit Like as ari would say good politics bad people.

1:35:06Yeah, I'd rather you I'd rather you, uh Tweet some horrible slur, but be a

1:35:12nice guy Our priorities are out of whack in society.

1:35:16I think we're rewarding the wrong things Well, we're really confused because social media is

1:35:21not real right and it's not real human interaction It's not normal You're not supposed

1:35:26to be able to just write something and the people that respond just write something

1:35:29back. It's supposed to be dialogue Yeah, people are supposed to communicate the way we're

1:35:33doing that. Yeah, that's how normal people talk that way When someone says something nutty

1:35:37instead of letting them go on for paragraph after paragraph you go.

1:35:41No, that's not true I never said that yes, I never said that no you're

1:35:45miss you miss first of all That you're taking something that was sarcastic.

1:35:49Yes, and you're making it like a quote as if this is like what my

1:35:52real feelings were Yeah, and they kind of want it to be real which is

1:35:55strange You know they go we hate racism.

1:35:57I heard this thing where they're like bill burr's a racist and somebody tweeted his

1:35:59wife's black and they were like Well, sometimes you'll marry black women to dominate them

1:36:04and you're like Give it up man, and then you don't know that relationship Yeah

1:36:09Well his wife tweeted after shut the fuck up.

1:36:12Yeah good for her and you're like there you go Yeah, good for her just

1:36:15go. Oh, so don't interact with those people right.

1:36:18It's not these are not good faith conversations So do you feel good?

1:36:21I mean there must be a load off with the Marin makeup.

1:36:24Yeah, it was nice I never hated that guy.

1:36:26It was a and it was a nice conversation.

1:36:28Yeah, and we're gonna get together when he's in town Oh my god, this is

1:36:32a great bread to have dinner I even invited him to the club.

1:36:35I'm like come come to the club.

1:36:36It's not what you think it is Yeah, it's all walks of life There's a

1:36:39ton of lesbians and gay people and it's like the most diverse fucking place on

1:36:43earth, but they're all talented, right?

1:36:46It's only diverse by accident.

1:36:47Yeah, it's diverse just because the the talented people all happen to be diverse Yeah,

1:36:52it's like UFC. Yeah, it's like a Russian guy But that's what it's supposed to

1:37:00be it's supposed to be diversity supposed to occur naturally if you just let the

1:37:04best people excel Right, especially in something like comedy because there's no barrier to entry.

1:37:10It's an open mic night All you do is write on a pad come up

1:37:13with some ideas, right? You don't have to have a lot of money to do

1:37:15it. Everybody there that starts out is broke.

1:37:18Well, did you see those Oscars?

1:37:19regulations That was a bummer because I'm a big movie guy and I that really

1:37:25really bummed me out good fuck the Oscars.

1:37:27Who cares? I mean I grew up watching it.

1:37:30I love movies No, but like the godfather all these movies would never have been

1:37:33made or one Never there's a ton of movies that you could never make you

1:37:37never make Braveheart. Yeah, right or Apocalypto Or what about all brown people?

1:37:42Yeah Yeah, boys in the hood.

1:37:44There's no Asian guy in there.

1:37:46It's a great movie. It's insane that you would have diversity quotas when you're talking

1:37:50about art because you're gonna have a What if you're doing a film about Scotland

1:37:54in the 1400s? Exactly. You can't bring Asian people into the mix They don't they

1:37:59weren't there, but now you got to write one in like oh this Asian guy

1:38:03is the best doctor in Scotland And you're like wait what yeah, it's the 1400s,

1:38:07right? If you're gonna write a you know a thing about feudal Japan, it's gonna

1:38:11be all Japanese people squid game That's right squid games.

1:38:14It's that's okay. Yeah, okay.

1:38:16I love that show. Yeah, but just like sinners is okay Yeah, have a movie

1:38:20with all black people like it doesn't matter, right?

1:38:23It's just like just make movies and if people like it they like it But

1:38:27this idea of having a diversity quota where you have to think about that because

1:38:31I've talked to friends that have pitched shows And when they pitched the show like

1:38:36Burt was telling me this that he was pitching a show and they're like where's

1:38:39the diversity mmm And he's just like sitting there like I don't know what to

1:38:43tell you. It's a movie about Russians in Russia What are you fucking saying to

1:38:48me? Where's the diversity? What does that even fucking mean?

1:38:50I know it's doesn't have to be diverse It just has to be good and

1:38:55then if you have enough good things you're gonna have diversity across all these different

1:38:59films Yes, because there's gonna be films about black ballerinas right films about you know,

1:39:04people, you know Running in the Olympics in 1936 and in Germany.

1:39:10Yes You're gonna have films that cover all the bases.

1:39:14I know and let it just happen.

1:39:16Let it happen. Let the movie be good Just let people create what they want

1:39:19to create and then I think judging art is crazy anyway Well, I think awards

1:39:24for art are crazy. It's all political, too.

1:39:26It's just not you know Oh wait, this the exact Scorsese wins for the departed

1:39:30and like that's not his best movie Like when they were doing the Golden Globes

1:39:34for podcasts. I'm like good luck Get get out of here with that right I

1:39:37didn't even submit I heard I'm like get out of here I'm not I'm not

1:39:40gonna be a part of your bullshit Okay, you just decide who's the best and

1:39:43who's deciding yeah off exactly awards for art or just It doesn't work, and then

1:39:49we all go, how'd they win?

1:39:51Is that because of this, or is he actually really good?

1:39:53And now you're questioning it, and you can't even get into it.

1:39:56Well, do you remember Siskel and Ebert?

1:39:57Yes. Well, they were the guys.

1:39:59I love Siskel and Ebert.

1:40:00I loved them, too, until I saw the outtakes, and I realized they were both

1:40:03cunts. I know, but that was fun.

1:40:04And they were going after each other.

1:40:05They hated each other. They hated each other.

1:40:07Yeah, those YouTube outtakes are amazing.

1:40:09Amazing. They fucking hated each other.

1:40:12Oh, yeah. But that was a fun show.

1:40:14Two thumbs up, though. It was lighter.

1:40:16Yes. It wasn't like, this movie was racist.

1:40:20Right, right, right. It was just like, good or bad.

1:40:22Right. They just judged it based on what they felt watching the movie, and they

1:40:26had educated takes. Oh, yeah.

1:40:28Yeah. Oh, yeah. But that's where, not awards for art, but recommendations for art by

1:40:36people that you appreciate. Yes.

1:40:38You know? I just picture the Academy going, damn, that's a good movie, but, you

1:40:42know, it's not a trans guy in a wheelchair.

1:40:46And this one does that.

1:40:47They used to do it with retards.

1:40:49That was a big thing with Oscars.

1:40:50It was like, oh, this guy's playing a tard.

1:40:53We got to give it to him.

1:40:54Exactly. And now it's more skin color based.

1:40:57And then it got to Tropic Thunder where they never go full retard.

1:41:00Yeah, yeah, exactly. They killed that genre.

1:41:02Yeah. You never see people playing handicapped people in a film anymore.

1:41:06But that movie's great because it shows Robert Downey's in full black everything.

1:41:11Yes. And everybody's like, he nailed it.

1:41:12I asked him about that.

1:41:14Oh, wow. I said, do you think you could do that movie today?

1:41:15He goes, well, you could do it.

1:41:21It'd be a fucking problem.

1:41:23Yeah. He was the last guy to do blackface and not get canceled.

1:41:27Yeah. And he fucking killed it.

1:41:29Killed it. It was amazing.

1:41:31That movie was fucking amazing.

1:41:33Amazing. It had everything. It was the last completely politically incorrect movie and it is

1:41:37hilarious. I know. It's so good.

1:41:39You know who kills it in that movie?

1:41:40Tom Cruise. Killed it as the sleazy agent.

1:41:43Killed it. That dancing. That guy's so good.

1:41:46He's good. He's so good.

1:41:48I was just talking the other day about that movie Collateral with Jamie Foxx.

1:41:52Michael Mann. Great movie. That movie, I just watched it a couple of months ago.

1:41:56I was like, this movie's so fucking good.

1:41:58Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so convincing.

1:42:01So scary. As a complete psychopathic killer.

1:42:03Yeah, and there's not much going on, but those two together, the chemistry was amazing.

1:42:08Well, when things happen, they're so crazy.

1:42:10Yes, yes. Like that scene in the alleyway where he shoots those two guys and

1:42:12they're trying to rob him.

1:42:13Great. You're like, fuck yeah.

1:42:15Yeah, and hats off to Jamie Foxx.

1:42:18He's so good in that movie.

1:42:19He plays kind of a nerdy, scared guy.

1:42:21And then he can play Ray.

1:42:23Yes. That guy can do anything.

1:42:25Yeah, he can do anything.

1:42:26I love that guy. He's great.

1:42:27He's a talent. He's a super talented guy and a really nice guy.

1:42:31Oh, yeah? Like I've met him off, like, I met him at a gas station

1:42:34once. What? He was taking his daughter home from a martial arts class.

1:42:39Wow. And we were just pumping gas next to each other.

1:42:41And some guy pulls up in one of those, have you ever seen those Resvani

1:42:44trucks? Do you know what that is?

1:42:45No. It's a crazy, like, futuristic -looking, bulletproof car.

1:42:50It's like a Resvani tank.

1:42:52What? Pull it up. Oh, it's cool -looking.

1:42:54Is it electric? No. No, this was a long time ago, before electric cars.

1:42:58This was probably 2000. Well, there was some Teslas, the real small ones that were

1:43:03based on the Lotus platform back then.

1:43:05But this was like 2014 or 15 or something like that.

1:43:07That thing. Whoa. He pulled up in that.

1:43:10That's Jamie Foxx's car. That's like a Batmobile kind of thing.

1:43:13Exactly. So he pulled up next to me.

1:43:16Hell, yeah. And I was like, who's driving that fucking thing?

1:43:18Damn. And Jamie Foxx got said, what's up, Joe?

1:43:21I'm like, oh, what's up, Jamie?

1:43:22What do you do? But he's cool.

1:43:24He's like a normal dude.

1:43:26Yeah, and he did it all.

1:43:27He did stand -up. He did a living color.

1:43:28He had his own sitcom and then the movies.

1:43:31Ultra, ultra talented. Can sing.

1:43:33Oh, yeah. He can act.

1:43:34And he can act in comedy.

1:43:35He can act in drama.

1:43:36He can play a nerd.

1:43:38He can play a killer.

1:43:39He can play anything. I just re -watched Ray.

1:43:41It's incredible. It's amazing. Oh, yeah.

1:43:44He kills that role. How good is he singing it?

1:43:47Yeah. That's him singing. Yeah.

1:43:49I didn't realize Ray was such a junkie.

1:43:51Was he? Yeah, that's right.

1:43:52Big heroin guy. That's why he was all moving like that.

1:43:55He was all wonked out on the H.

1:43:58You know people say Stevie Wonder can sing?

1:44:00Or Stevie Wonder, rather, can sing?

1:44:02Can see. Can see. I've heard that.

1:44:03What's wrong with me? He catches the microphone.

1:44:04I'm trying to talk too fast.

1:44:05The microphone falls and he catches it.

1:44:07So that's a big conspiracy theory.

1:44:08But looking back, that's like such a gentle, light conspiracy compared to what the fuck

1:44:14we got going on today.

1:44:15I know, right? Yeah. That Elvis is real.

1:44:18We used to have a fun, kind of playful conspiracy.

1:44:21Tupac's alive. Yeah. Yeah. And then now it's all out of whack.

1:44:25Now it's McCrone's got a dick.

1:44:28Exactly. I've heard Erica Kirk's got a dick.

1:44:31I've heard that one. Whoa.

1:44:32She seems thrilled right now.

1:44:34She's an odd duck. She's a kook for sure.

1:44:36You ever seen the compilation of her making crazy eyes?

1:44:39No. There's a video of her making demon eyes and every time she makes the

1:44:42eyes, the music It's so ridiculous.

1:44:46She's possessed. Well, she just gets intense.

1:44:48She's like the guy, what's the gang gang guy?

1:44:50What's that guy? Oh my God.

1:44:52Look at that. She looks like a televangelist.

1:44:54Give me some volume. She's talking to Barry Weiss.

1:44:57There you go. Watch this.

1:44:58Pay attention to her eyes.

1:45:00Charlie said or believed things that they believed were controversial or even hateful that he

1:45:07somehow had it coming. What do you say to people who justified you're sick?

1:45:15He's a human being. Oh boy.

1:45:18Exactly when Barry is saying, they basically said that because Charlie said or believed.

1:45:23All right. We don't need the Vincent D 'Onofrio.

1:45:25That's not the one that I wanted to hear.

1:45:27Okay. But yeah, she seems, she's having a good time.

1:45:30Well, she was on a reality show, you know.

1:45:31Yes. So she's a star fucker.

1:45:34A little bit. Maybe. She was also in some weird CIA documents or CIA films.

1:45:38Is that right? Yeah. You ever seen those films?

1:45:40No, no. See if you can find those films.

1:45:42There's some weird, like, internal films that they made that she was a part of.

1:45:49She looks like if a pageant lady, a pageant girl was grown up.

1:45:53100%. Yeah. Look at that.

1:45:55Yeah. Well, I mean, she essentially was a pageant lady.

1:45:58Oh, really? Right? Wasn't she in, like, Miss USA or one of those things?

1:46:01Oh, I don't know. I don't know, maybe.

1:46:02Wasn't she, Jamie? She's got that kind of face.

1:46:04Oh, I don't know. Well, there's a thing that people want, right?

1:46:09That attention, fame thing. Yeah, yeah.

1:46:11That is what they really want.

1:46:12Okay, so Jamie will find it.

1:46:14She's got fireworks behind her.

1:46:16She's wild. Erica Kirk's CIA video releases serious questions.

1:46:20That's the one I just played.

1:46:21Yeah. It had a five -second clip and the rest was not.

1:46:24Oh, but the full video's out there.

1:46:26I watched it. And it's very weird.

1:46:29It's the same video. So see if you play it.

1:46:32It's about EMP attacks and power grids.

1:46:34The whole rest of this was not that clip.

1:46:36None of it? Nope. Well, a gig's a gig.

1:46:38I think if you're struggling, actually, you take any kind of employee video or whatever.

1:46:42I guarantee you that video's out there.

1:46:44I mean, no one could have pulled it.

1:46:46Well, there's the Jimmy Dore video there.

1:46:48Here it is. Here it is.

1:46:50Look at this. ...extremely vulnerable that we've presented to congressional officials.

1:46:54One being cyber, two being hackers, three being physical threats, fourth one is solar EMP,

1:47:02and the fifth one is man -made EMP.

1:47:04So the concern that we have is that we put out this critical information, and

1:47:08when we go over this risk analysis, they hear what we're saying, but they don't

1:47:12want to take action. Take action.

1:47:14Well, there are 18 critical infrastructures.

1:47:17It's weird, but... Very weird.

1:47:19She's doing a CIA informational video.

1:47:22Weird. Is it an acting gig, or is this something else?

1:47:24Perhaps. Or. I know. I'm just sassy.

1:47:26But even so, you're doing an acting gig for the CIA.

1:47:30Who calls you for that?

1:47:31Yeah. You ever get one of those calls?

1:47:33No. No, I never get one of those calls.

1:47:34And my agent never hit me with that one.

1:47:36Yeah. It's odd. Well, there's a lot of people that think that she was his

1:47:39handler. Oh. She was Charlie Kirk's handler.

1:47:41But, of course, there's a lot of people that think I have handlers.

1:47:43Yeah. You know. Well, you've got about nine Navy SEALs out there.

1:47:46They're not handlers. They're my friends.

1:47:47They're not handlers. I know those guys.

1:47:49Okay. Well, they're tough dudes.

1:47:51You think they are? They are tough dudes.

1:47:53They know some stuff. Well, there's a lot of kooks out there, bro.

1:47:55That's true. I mean, you just had a shooter on 6th Street.

1:47:58Yeah. Finally, a guy in Austin kills.

1:48:00Bwah. Only with three people, though.

1:48:02Bwah. We don't have to get into the Austin, New York debate.

1:48:06Bum bum. That's a stupid debate.

1:48:07It's all silly. What are we doing?

1:48:09That's Luis J. Gomez getting involved in these things.

1:48:12Settle down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:48:14Just the more comedy, the better.

1:48:15Keep putting it in every city.

1:48:16I know. I know, right?

1:48:18Yeah. Give me more good clubs.

1:48:19How is New York these days?

1:48:21New York's good. I mean, we're humming.

1:48:22We've got all these clubs opening up still.

1:48:24More opening? More opening. Yeah.

1:48:26It's crazy. And comedy's hot, as you know.

1:48:30Comedy has been... The more fucked up the world is, the more hot comedy is.

1:48:33That's probably true, yeah. Yeah.

1:48:35But it's legitimized now. You know, everybody takes it seriously.

1:48:39Before, you were kind of a clown.

1:48:40Now, they're like, oh, let's go see some comedy and listen to them talk about

1:48:43Iran. Well, I think one of the things that helped is podcasts, because people hear

1:48:47comics talk about it, and they realize, like, oh, these are thinking people that are

1:48:52going through this, like, very bizarre art form that doesn't have a playbook.

1:48:55Yes. Right? And we have no rules.

1:48:58Where now Oscars have all these rules.

1:49:00We will never have rules.

1:49:01Thank God. And if we do, the whole art form's fucked.

1:49:03Well, they've tried to put rules in in certain clubs, and those clubs always fall

1:49:07apart. That's true. You know, you can't do that.

1:49:09Well, it's so fucking gay, because they're all like, we love Richard Pryor.

1:49:12I'm like, if he was around today, you'd hate him.

1:49:14Right. He hit his wife.

1:49:15He was a drug addict.

1:49:16Right. You know? Right. He was a psycho.

1:49:18Kenison. Kenison. One of the fucking greatest comics that's ever lived, completely out of his

1:49:23mind. Yeah. And also, the best example of someone who did not punch up.

1:49:27Yeah. He punched down all the time.

1:49:30He punched down about starving people in Africa.

1:49:33Yeah. I love, why did we decide punching down was not funny?

1:49:37They're stupid. It's hilarious. I had a guy on once that was a professor that

1:49:40taught comedy, and he wrote a book on comedy, and he tried to tell me

1:49:44that punching down is never funny.

1:49:46I go, that is wrong.

1:49:48That doesn't make sense. You're wrong.

1:49:49I go, because Sam Kenison, one of the greatest bits of all time, was him

1:49:53doing a bit about the starving people in Africa.

1:49:56Right. Yeah. It's a legendary bit.

1:49:58Dave Attell has 18 minutes on midgets.

1:50:00That's literally punching down. Like, they're little.

1:50:03But it's funny. If it's funny, it's funny.

1:50:05If it's funny, it's funny.

1:50:06And sometimes it's funny because it's wrong.

1:50:08Yes. Sometimes it's funny. It's like, oh my God, what are you saying?

1:50:11Exactly. I know. Or Holtzman.

1:50:14Holtzman. Hilarious. Perfect example. People try to take Holtzman literally.

1:50:18I've seen comics complain about the mothership because they let a guy come up and

1:50:22say these things. Right. What guy?

1:50:24Brian Holtzman? Right. Like, talk to Brian Holtzman offstage.

1:50:28It's Jekyll and Hyde. Completely.

1:50:30Nicest guy in the world.

1:50:31Sweetheart of a guy. Yeah.

1:50:32Friendly. Loves everybody. Super kind.

1:50:34He's like a camp counselor.

1:50:35He's wearing a polo and slacks.

1:50:37The nicest fella. Yeah. On stage, he becomes this character that he's created over the

1:50:41years. And it's amazing. But we do the hierarchy thing.

1:50:44And by that logic, I should be able to make fun of Asians because they're

1:50:48doing the best. They are doing the best.

1:50:50Asians are number one, then honky, and then who knows.

1:50:52Right. So by that logic, I should be able to do a ching chong, whatever.

1:50:56Right. Because, you know, by your logic, hey, I'm punching up.

1:50:59Right. They're killing it. They are, especially academically.

1:51:03Oh, yeah. I mean, they're killing it so hard that they've made rules to try

1:51:06to eliminate Asian people from universities.

1:51:08Yes. From college. Yes. There's fucking lawsuits about it.

1:51:12Yeah. They made it more difficult.

1:51:13They have to get higher scores.

1:51:15That's crazy. It's not. Because they kill it.

1:51:17They kill it. Because they work so hard.

1:51:19But what a crazy con.

1:51:20Hey, you look like that guy.

1:51:21We got too many of you guys who look like this.

1:51:23You're trying too hard. It's like a union job.

1:51:26Hey, slow down. Right. Right.

1:51:28You're fucking it up for the rest of us.

1:51:30Yeah. But yeah, let them keep killing it.

1:51:33Let them be smart and invent shit and run the country.

1:51:35I don't care. Exactly. Make it so that, you know, there's a legitimate competition where

1:51:40the other people realize, okay, we're not working as hard.

1:51:43They're working hard and we got to catch up.

1:51:45Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't just slow them down and remove them.

1:51:48There's too many Asians in Harvard.

1:51:50Fuck you. Yes. That's why Japan, you can leave a Rolex on a bench.

1:51:54Yeah. Because they're better in a lot of ways.

1:51:57Let them be better. We don't all have to be the same.

1:52:00You know, that's the same thing about Dubai.

1:52:02A buddy of mine moved to Dubai and he said, he's black.

1:52:06And he was saying that in America, he goes, dude, I go to a nightclub.

1:52:08I worry about being shot.

1:52:10He goes, there's none of that there.

1:52:12And he goes, and if you could just leave a diamond, like a diamond ring

1:52:15on the ground. Someone. pick it up and turn it to the police.

1:52:18Damn. There's no theft. How do they do that?

1:52:21Is that cultural? Is that raised better?

1:52:23What is that? Laws. Hardcore laws.

1:52:25They have kings. They have a king over there.

1:52:29And, like, you can't fuck around.

1:52:31There's no fucking around. If you fuck around, they will lock you up.

1:52:34And that's it. And there's no ifs, ands, or buts.

1:52:36There's no social justice warriors.

1:52:38Right. There's no people that are going to give you no cash bail and let

1:52:41you out because, you know, oh, my God, the system's racist.

1:52:44No. No, no, no. You commit a crime.

1:52:46You go to fucking jail.

1:52:47So nobody goes to jail because nobody commits crimes.

1:52:50Damn. Is that what it is?

1:52:51Yes. Huh. You fuck around over there.

1:52:54Like, there's an American lady went over there, and she got in arguments with people

1:52:58at the airport. Uh -oh.

1:52:59And they're like, you're going to jail.

1:53:00Whoa. They just locked her up.

1:53:01She was yelling at people.

1:53:02She was trying to do the thing they do at Spirit Airlines in America.

1:53:05Like, uh -uh. Yeah. Not here.

1:53:07Well, the fistfights on airplanes has gone up from, if you go 1960 to 2025,

1:53:12it's got to be up 8 ,000%.

1:53:14What happened? I don't know.

1:53:16What happened? What happened? Why did we lose our fucking marbles?

1:53:19Maybe because flights got cheaper, and you get bus people on a flight.

1:53:24You know what I mean?

1:53:25Right. Bus people were the people who were cutting people's heads off on a fucking

1:53:29interstate truck. Yeah. Yeah. I assume that's what it is.

1:53:33Because, you know, back in the day, they wore a suit, and they had a

1:53:35cocktail, and they smoked. Yeah.

1:53:37But taking a flight back then was a big deal.

1:53:40You ever travel by bus?

1:53:41Oh, yeah. Are you kidding?

1:53:43I did a few bus gigs back in the day because my car broke down,

1:53:46and I didn't have any money.

1:53:47It's hell. And so I had to travel by bus.

1:53:49It hurts. The people you have to hang out with.

1:53:53It's like the dregs of society.

1:53:56We're on these greyhounds. You know where else you see that is, I still do

1:54:00the free breakfast at the Holiday Inn.

1:54:02Oh, the characters you see in there.

1:54:04It's like a family, then it's a guy with a neck tattoo, an ex -con,

1:54:08a tweaky meth guy, and then me.

1:54:10I was watching a video about how people that don't stay in that hotel sneak

1:54:14into these hotels. I used to do that.

1:54:15Did you? Yeah. They just walk right in.

1:54:17You got pajama pants on.

1:54:18You pull an all -nighter.

1:54:19You go get the free breakfast.

1:54:21Then I can stop you.

1:54:23They assume you're staying there.

1:54:24Yeah. Well, they just want to make it nice for everybody.

1:54:26Yeah, you can make a waffle.

1:54:28Yeah, but staying in a shitty hotel teaches you a lot about humans.

1:54:31That's true. That's what road gigs are really good for.

1:54:34You meet the people that are working the fucking counter.

1:54:36Right. Some sad, frowny -faced dude working the counter.

1:54:41The crazy ones are those, what do they call it when you can kind of

1:54:43live there? They have a kitchenette.

1:54:45Oh, yeah. You know the extended stay?

1:54:47Days in. Yeah, there's dogs everywhere, and people making crack on the stove and shit.

1:54:53You know who's in a hotel now?

1:54:55Mickey Rourke. Really? Yeah, he's in a hotel in Hollywood now.

1:54:58He got evicted. Huh. He doesn't have any money anymore.

1:55:01What? Yeah. It's a sad story.

1:55:04He was a hot guy and a great actor.

1:55:06Oh, he was great. Rumblefish.

1:55:08Oh, my God, dude. So many films.

1:55:10Angel Heart. The Wrestler. Yes.

1:55:12Oh, my God, dude. So good.

1:55:13He was incredible. Damn. Well, Wrestler was when he was making a comeback.

1:55:16Right. So he made a comeback for a little bit.

1:55:18He was in Iron Man, remember?

1:55:19Mm -hmm. He was great.

1:55:21But, you know, I don't know, man.

1:55:23I think. He got a lot of work done.

1:55:24He did. But he made it after he got a lot of work done.

1:55:27He still, the comeback, the wrestler and everything was after the work.

1:55:30Yeah. You know? But the thing was, like, he did a lot of boxing.

1:55:34Oh. And remember, like, he didn't like the fact that he was, like, a big

1:55:38actor. He wanted to be more of, like, a real person and a man.

1:55:41Mm -hmm. So he started having fights.

1:55:43So he's having, like, legitimate boxing.

1:55:46Allegedly legitimate. Yeah. Some of them look sus.

1:55:48Sure. Some of them look like people laid down.

1:55:50But when you think about that, if he's sparring.

1:55:53So he was sparring, like, James Toney and, like, real people.

1:55:56Mm -hmm. He's probably getting the fucking brains beaten out of him.

1:55:58And he probably went a little squirrely.

1:56:00Yeah, CT is no joke.

1:56:01It's no joke, dude. It would be the Aaron Hernandez, all these guys.

1:56:04Oh, yeah. Oh, a lot of these MMA fighters that I talked to, like, you

1:56:08know, they're struggling. Yeah. Who are these ladies who are like, I'll date this guy?

1:56:12Because they're exciting and dangerous.

1:56:14That's why. Dangerous? They'll fucking hang you.

1:56:17You know? I think he hung himself, actually.

1:56:20Who hung himself? Aaron Hernandez.

1:56:22Oh, in jail, right? But he had killed a bunch of people already.

1:56:25Yeah. He was killing people while he was in the NFL.

1:56:30Yeah. He was a wild motherfucker.

1:56:32But then they said when they checked his CTE after he was dead, like, yeah,

1:56:35like, some of the worst CTE they've ever seen in his life.

1:56:37Yeah. His brain was gone.

1:56:39Well, there you go. A friend of mine who has CTE was explaining it to

1:56:43me. And the way the doctor was explaining to him, like, most people have several

1:56:50steps to go to before they lose control of their impulses.

1:56:54Like, you have an initial thought, and then your brain comes in and goes, don't

1:56:57do that. Yeah. And then there's another one.

1:56:59It ramps up a little bit.

1:57:01This is getting serious, but let's not get out of hand.

1:57:03But someone with CTE, first initial thought, right into DEF CON 5.

1:57:08Whoa. They just immediately go.

1:57:10No buffer. No buffer. Oof.

1:57:12You gotta have a buffer.

1:57:13No impulse control. Cocaine, women, whiskey.

1:57:16Right. No matter what it is.

1:57:17Like, especially when booze, you add booze, loss of inhibition.

1:57:21Yep. No impulse control. Rawr!

1:57:24Poo! Shoot out with the cops.

1:57:26You know? Yeah. It's like, right to the worst case scenario.

1:57:28Remember that Bill Burr bit?

1:57:29He's like, I'm driving down the street.

1:57:31I see a bunch of people on the sidewalk.

1:57:32Just quarter inch turn to the right.

1:57:34I'll just mow them all down.

1:57:35Yeah. You have that thought, but then you don't do it.

1:57:37Everybody has those thoughts. Yeah.

1:57:38You go up on the top of a building and you're like, ah, I could

1:57:41jump. Yeah. You have that for a second, then you pull back.

1:57:44Some people just don't have it.

1:57:46I guess so. Especially, well, brain damage is basically like, think about like if you

1:57:50have a fucked up phone.

1:57:52Like, I dropped my phone once and I was in Hawaii and it just started

1:57:56calling people. Really? I was showing my wife, like, look at this.

1:57:59This is crazy. Like, you hang up, calls another person.

1:58:02Hang up, calls another person.

1:58:02It was just broken. Whoa.

1:58:04So that's your brain. Right.

1:58:06Right. All the wires are all fucked up and you got holes in there.

1:58:10Yeah. CTE and chronic traumatic encephalopathy.

1:58:16Yeah. You know, your hormones are all fucked up.

1:58:18Sure. Your cortisol is all fucked up.

1:58:20You got to put their head in rice.

1:58:21And you just like, all of a sudden you're just running through red lights.

1:58:23You don't even know why you're doing it.

1:58:24Yeah. Yeah. Woo. Probably kind of fun in the middle of it.

1:58:28Probably not. You're probably like.

1:58:30I don't know why you're doing it.

1:58:30Am I in control of my own destiny?

1:58:32I'm not. Oof, man. Yeah, we're lucky we're saying.

1:58:35I mean, you've taken a lot of blows.

1:58:37Yeah. Mentally and physically. I have the right amount of brain damage.

1:58:42I'm not worried about things.

1:58:43That's good. I don't concern myself about things that I think would cripple a lot

1:58:47of people. Right. Eh. Interesting.

1:58:50Yeah, I think it makes me a little more fearless.

1:58:53Yeah, it's like autism. If you have just the right amount, you're a genius.

1:58:56A touch of the tism.

1:58:57A touch. Just a touch.

1:58:58Yes. You don't want to be nonverbal, but you want to be really good at

1:59:01math. Yeah, yeah. It's almost like blind guys who can fucking do other shit.

1:59:06Right. They can hear better.

1:59:08Yeah. Echo location. There you go.

1:59:11Yeah. I mean, Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles.

1:59:13Yeah. I think I have just enough brain damage.

1:59:15That's very interesting because you wonder how could you do this for so long and

1:59:21do comedy and do UFC and drink and smoke weed and run a club.

1:59:27You got a lot of iron and kids and a wife and a fucking dog

1:59:30and you got J -Mo and cars.

1:59:33You got a lot of plate spinning.

1:59:34But I'm still just me because I don't have to ever be anybody but me.

1:59:39But you also do a ton of work on you.

1:59:42You do the fucking cold plums, the sauna, the working out, the kicking, the fighting,

1:59:46the comedy. That helps. I always tell everybody that's going through anything difficult in your

1:59:51life, do something more difficult voluntarily and it makes the difficult thing easy.

1:59:55And so, like, a career in the public eye is very difficult psychologically.

1:59:59Yeah. So do something. Like, my workouts are way harder than anything I ever experience

2:00:03in my regular life. And you do it to yourself.

2:00:06Yeah, I do it to myself.

2:00:06That's the key. Yeah. So that when I'm done, like, I can kind of tolerate

2:00:10a lot. Like, if you do jiu -jitsu, like, I did jiu -jitsu for, what,

2:00:1325, 28 years or something like that.

2:00:16Yeah. Like, just doing that all the time is so hard that the rest of

2:00:20the world seems easy. But weren't you beaten as a kid?

2:00:24No, no, no, no. I thought you got hit a few times.

2:00:27No, no, no, no, no.

2:00:27Or your mom got hit?

2:00:28Yeah. Okay. Not me. Not me.

2:00:30That could have scrambled some stuff.

2:00:31It definitely did. Well, it made me more attuned to the potential of domestic violence,

2:00:35which scares the shit out of me.

2:00:37But I got hit a lot.

2:00:40Okay. But in fighting. Right.

2:00:42I mean, I started training when I was 15, seriously.

2:00:46Yeah, yeah. So for all my formative years, I was getting my brains punched.

2:00:51Whoa. You know? I was getting kicked.

2:00:53I was getting punched, you know?

2:00:55Have you thought about getting, like, that'd be cool to get a real brain scan

2:00:57exam on you. I don't want to know what's in there.

2:00:59All right, all right. Just keep riding it out.

2:01:01I don't want to know.

2:01:02Because it's going well. It's going well, yeah.

2:01:04So I leave it alone.

2:01:05But I think, like, you have to have tools for managing stress.

2:01:09And one of the best tools, I think, is voluntary adversity.

2:01:13I think so, too. Because it gives you discipline and you understand, like, that you

2:01:17can control a lot of the way you think and a lot of the way

2:01:20you behave by your actions.

2:01:22Right. And it's also, like, I don't want to do it every time.

2:01:24Like, today. Yes. Today I got in the cold plunge and I was, every time

2:01:28I do it, I'm trying to figure out ways that I could talk myself out

2:01:31of doing it. Yes! And then I have one part of my brain that's talking

2:01:34like a bitch and the other part of my brain that's like, shut the fuck

2:01:37up. You're just going to do it.

2:01:39Yeah. You're not even going to think about it.

2:01:40You're not going to hesitate.

2:01:41You're just going to lift the lid off of that thing.

2:01:43You're going to set the timer.

2:01:44You're going to slide into that 34 degree water and you're just going to fucking

2:01:47sit there. Well, yeah. And you're not going to bitch and complain.

2:01:50You're just going to breathe and don't overreact.

2:01:52Just deal with it. And it keeps you in reality.

2:01:55Yes. This is real. I'm freezing.

2:01:56You could die. You could die.

2:01:58You could die. Or you're lifting weights.

2:01:59You're like, this sucks. This sucks.

2:02:00I'm doing it. When you're doing sprints on the air dying machine, it sucks.

2:02:03Well, also, the society, the population is more comfortable than ever.

2:02:07I mean, you've got Uber Eats, you've got Netflix, you've got all these comforts.

2:02:10So, they're going the other way.

2:02:12Yeah. And then we're kind of decaying.

2:02:14There's a guy named Michael Easter.

2:02:16He's been on my podcast before.

2:02:17He wrote a book called The Comfort Crisis.

2:02:18Great book. Oh, there you go.

2:02:20He's a professor in UNLV, I think.

2:02:22But he, like, talks about it from, like, a perspective of, like, how to, like,

2:02:30really manage and balance out life and that comfort is your enemy.

2:02:34It really is. Yeah. It's 100 % your enemy.

2:02:37There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

2:02:38Like, the desire to constantly be comfortable, it doesn't get you anywhere in life and

2:02:42it doesn't make you happy.

2:02:44Yeah. You think you're going to be happy if you're comfortable.

2:02:45You're not. No. You've got to be comfortable sometimes, but you have to earn that

2:02:50comfort. Right. I still watch TV.

2:02:52Like, I told you, I watched that guy cook fucking an ostrich.

2:02:56He baked an ostrich. That's crazy.

2:03:00And I watched the whole thing.

2:03:01I'm sitting there like a moron.

2:03:02Yeah. Because the world's on fire.

2:03:04I'm like, let me watch this guy cook in Azerbaijan and go super.

2:03:07Well, it's better to watch that than Love is Blind or some horse shit.

2:03:10I can't watch those things.

2:03:11I can't either. I don't like watching people behave badly.

2:03:14I get, I feel myself being dumber.

2:03:16Yeah. I feel slower after watching that.

2:03:19Yeah. I like watching interesting things about space.

2:03:21I was watching something about the James Webb telescope and what they're finding out now.

2:03:26Yeah. Some new guy that has some theory about how the universe is not expanding.

2:03:31And I'm fascinated by really interesting things and just people doing things that they love

2:03:37to do. Well, Jimmy Carr said, the key to life is two words.

2:03:42Prioritize later. And that's big.

2:03:44You don't want to exercise, but you do it so you're healthy.

2:03:47Yeah. You know, you don't want to eat healthy or eat right.

2:03:50You want the pizza. You want the Snickers.

2:03:52But you think about later.

2:03:54Right. And I think that's a big one.

2:03:55Right. You want your comedy to do well.

2:03:57You got to write. You got to write.

2:03:58Sit down in front of that fucking computer or the notebook and just concentrate and

2:04:02then do those sets that you don't.

2:04:03Some of the best sets that I've ever had are the ones where I'm sitting

2:04:06at home going, can I get an excuse to not do this?

2:04:08Of course. I would be in my house not wanting to go to the store.

2:04:11Yes. And I was like, I don't want to do it.

2:04:13And then I would kill.

2:04:14And you're always happy you did it.

2:04:16Every single time. Every time.

2:04:17Every time. I'm a big introvert.

2:04:19So I would always go, I can't go to that party or that thing sounds

2:04:22annoying. But if I go, I'm like, that was great.

2:04:25I had a great time.

2:04:25It's weird that you're an introvert because you're so, but you're so good publicly.

2:04:30Well, I mean, we do an art form that's pre -written.

2:04:33Yeah. So. But you're also good like this.

2:04:36But it's me and you.

2:04:37But you're also good in interviews and like Good Morning America.

2:04:40Well, I'm fucking around. I'm a goofball.

2:04:42But you know what I'm saying?

2:04:43Like, you're really good at those.

2:04:44But I can do it.

2:04:45One -on -one, but in a group setting, I'm a mess.

2:04:49It's not pretty. And I sit at home and I go, I can't go, I

2:04:52can't, what if I say something stupid?

2:04:54Nobody likes me, I'm annoying, ah!

2:04:56And then everything tells me to stay home, but I just push it.

2:04:59But don't you think it's healthier to have that perspective?

2:05:02Like, oh, people are going to hate me, they're going to, then everybody loves me.

2:05:05Of course, yeah, I don't want to be that guy.

2:05:07That doesn't work, right? That's like, whenever I talk to people, they say I get

2:05:11an imposter syndrome, I go, good, that means you're healthy.

2:05:14Everybody who's doing really well gets imposter syndrome.

2:05:17Right, right. David Tell thinks he's a hack.

2:05:19He's the funniest guy on the planet, right?

2:05:21Everybody who's really killing it in life, at a certain point in time goes, this

2:05:25doesn't make any sense. Yeah.

2:05:26Why am I even doing well?

2:05:27Why is this so good?

2:05:28Yeah. Yeah. But now, are we just blessed in that way that we hate ourselves

2:05:33or are insecure? Or are we, do we have to find that out?

2:05:38Well. Because I'm jealous of the guy who's cool and collected.

2:05:43Yeah, but they're probably jealous of you because you're talented.

2:05:46I think that the thing about it is, it's like, if you really believe you're

2:05:50something better than you are, that prevents you from getting better than you could be.

2:05:54I agree. Yeah, yeah. If you think you're great, you're fixing something and you go,

2:05:59ah, it's good. I did it.

2:06:00Right. And then it falls apart.

2:06:01We all remember that from like the beginnings of our career.

2:06:04Like there's guys that thought they killed.

2:06:06Yes, yes. And they were terrible.

2:06:07Yeah. They were bombing. No one was laughing.

2:06:09Right. And they're like, ah, that was a great set.

2:06:11And you're like, what did you hear?

2:06:13You see all these 400 -pound skanks who were like, I'm a 10.

2:06:16Right. And you're like, what are you kidding?

2:06:17You're an ogre. Right. But, you know.

2:06:19But that's that weird, those shows where they sit those ladies down.

2:06:23And I don't like those shows.

2:06:24I don't like those either.

2:06:25They're too mean to the gals.

2:06:27And I've been calling everybody skanks.

2:06:28But I'm not going to just say that to a woman's face or whatever.

2:06:32So those make me uncomfortable.

2:06:34Yeah. Even the gals that deserve it, I'm like, oh, God, just don't talk to

2:06:38them. Yeah. Don't do that to them.

2:06:40No, no, no. It's weird.

2:06:41But people love it. They love it when people get shut down.

2:06:44They really do. They love it.

2:06:46They love it when a really stupid person with like delusional perspective talks to a

2:06:50genius. And gets just annihilated.

2:06:52I know. But I'd feel icky leaving that studio.

2:06:56Oh, I would. I'd feel icky watching it.

2:06:58Even like the little clips.

2:06:59I'm like, oh, what are you doing to that poor lady?

2:07:02I know. Some of them deserve it.

2:07:04Sure. Arguably. Sure, sure. Yeah.

2:07:05You know, they have ridiculous perspectives.

2:07:09Their vocabulary sucks. And they try to use it anyway.

2:07:11Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And look, maybe they should be.

2:07:14It's like cops. I see them shutting criminals down.

2:07:17And I'm like, thank God they're here.

2:07:18Because I don't want to do it.

2:07:20I would never want to.

2:07:21Imagine giving someone a parking ticket.

2:07:22Oh, I'd kill myself. Or how about pulling someone over and thinking they're going to

2:07:25shoot you? Well, that's a whole other thing.

2:07:27You never know. Yeah. They're all, all those guys have PTSD.

2:07:31How could you not? I was talking to a friend of mine who worked for

2:07:33the Austin PD. And he said, listen, Matt.

2:07:35And he was in the, he served overseas and was deployed several times.

2:07:39And he said, I saw way more shit working for the police department than I

2:07:43ever saw overseas. Oh, wow.

2:07:44Way more murders. Way more crime.

2:07:46Way more dead bodies. Way more fucked up behavior.

2:07:49And then we shit on them.

2:07:50We go, defund them. They fuck cops.

2:07:52They fuck cops, ACAB or whatever.

2:07:53And I'm like, we need them.

2:07:55We need those guys. More of that stupid virtue signaling.

2:07:58Because those people, remember when that lady who was the mayor of Chicago was like

2:08:02- Or Lightfoot? Yeah. All about defund the police.

2:08:05Meanwhile, she had her block shut down.

2:08:07Right. She had armed guards with her everywhere.

2:08:08Right. Come on, lady. Yeah.

2:08:10And I get it. Cops aren't perfect.

2:08:11We got to have different money allotted to certain things or whatever.

2:08:15But - They need to be trained better for sure.

2:08:17Yeah. But you can't just shit on this guy.

2:08:19He's taking bullets to the head just so we can be safe.

2:08:22It's literally one of the most important jobs in a functioning society.

2:08:26Yeah. Is to stop criminals from ruining everything for everybody else.

2:08:30Yeah. And the only shield between us and them is police officers.

2:08:34Yes. If you don't appreciate that, you just don't know.

2:08:38You're either delusional, you're arrogant, whatever it is, you should go on a ride -along.

2:08:43Yes. Because a lot of people that have been on ride -alongs, they go on

2:08:46ride -alongs. Good idea. I haven't been on one.

2:08:48I should just say that right away.

2:08:49But I know enough cops.

2:08:50I've talked to them. But if you go on a ride -along, you'll go, oh,

2:08:53these guys are dealing with this for decades.

2:08:56Ugh. Not just one night.

2:08:58Not just a couple of nights.

2:08:59Yeah. Decades of fucking chaos.

2:09:01Why would they do that?

2:09:03Because it's a good job.

2:09:05You can pay your mortgage.

2:09:07You can raise a family.

2:09:08And you come out of the military.

2:09:10Right. You know what you're going to do.

2:09:11You get a job in the police force.

2:09:13And you feel good, probably.

2:09:14You go, ah, I'm helping.

2:09:15I'm saving people's lives. A lot of times you are helping.

2:09:18Yeah. A lot of times you're stopping bad guys.

2:09:20Well, I've noticed a lot of people who hate cops are very cop -like.

2:09:24You know, like these people are like, defund the police.

2:09:26And they're like, don't do that joke.

2:09:27Don't say that word. And I'm like, you're like a cop.

2:09:30Right. You know? There's a lot of that.

2:09:32Like a lot of people who hate Trump, I notice are a lot like Trump.

2:09:35Like I'm not a Trump guy, but these people are like, they're also kind of

2:09:38a narcissist and an egomaniac.

2:09:40And I'm like, you're like him.

2:09:41Like girls who are promiscuous who talk shit about girls fucking other guys.

2:09:45Right. Right. Right? That's always the case.

2:09:47Always. Yeah. It's a - There's always people like that.

2:09:50I think you hate yourself.

2:09:51Yeah. Kind of. Like Jew, Palestine.

2:09:54They look the same. They're not that different.

2:09:55I used to do a joke about that.

2:09:56No way. Yeah. I said, when I look at Israel versus Palestine, I go, it's

2:10:01like the Williams sisters playing each other in tennis.

2:10:04Right. I go, who the fuck is who?

2:10:05I go, there's a brown skinned guy with dark curly hair throwing rocks and a

2:10:10brown skinned guy with dark curly hair holding a machine gun.

2:10:12Exactly. What the fuck? I have a similar bit about how the people who hate

2:10:15each other the most, they look alike.

2:10:18Like Ireland's been fighting, North Korea, South Korea.

2:10:21Right. Bloods in the Crips.

2:10:22North Korea and South Korea is the best example.

2:10:24It goes on for days.

2:10:25Yeah, they hate each other.

2:10:26You're literally in the same patch of dirt.

2:10:28Russia, Ukraine. You look exactly the same.

2:10:29You look the same. You look the same.

2:10:31I know. Women. Yeah. They hate each other.

2:10:33A lot of them do.

2:10:34Yeah. Competition, though. I know.

2:10:36That's primal shit. They all want prime dick.

2:10:38Yeah. They all get mad and someone's getting the prime dick.

2:10:42Hot girl walks into a party.

2:10:43My wife hates her. Really?

2:10:44She's like, fuck this bitch.

2:10:45I'm like, she's nice. She gives her the poor.

2:10:47She's charitable. And she's like, I hate her.

2:10:48One of my wife's friends get super upset because someone showed up at her wedding.

2:10:53Oh, yeah. This guy brought a date, and the date was super hot, and she

2:10:56had her tits out, and this lady was furious.

2:10:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

2:10:59Uh, yeah, it goes, it's an eight.

2:11:02She was, you know, she just overdid it.

2:11:05Right, right, exactly. Listen, that lady could show up with a fucking, like a Jabba

2:11:10the Hutt outfit on. Yeah.

2:11:11And you would hate her.

2:11:12She's hot. She's hot. She could have a cloak.

2:11:15She could be dressed like a monk.

2:11:16You'd hate her. She's beautiful.

2:11:17In college, I lived with a guy who was 6 '9".

2:11:19Just like this big, beefy, Midwestern football player guy.

2:11:22And every bar we'd go to, guys would try to fight him.

2:11:26Of course. He was like a Birkenstock -wearing, kind of weed -smoking guy.

2:11:30And every guy's like, you got a problem?

2:11:32You think you're tough? You think you're hot shit?

2:11:34You think you're better than me?

2:11:35And he's like, dude, I'm just sitting here drinking.

2:11:36And he would have to fight these guys.

2:11:38Bro, I've seen that happen with MMA fighters.

2:11:40Really? People try to pick fights with MMA fighters.

2:11:42They get drunk and they're retarded and they just think, oh, fuck this guy up.

2:11:45Yes. That's crazy. Stupid. There's a lot of morons in this world.

2:11:50It's too easy to survive.

2:11:52It's too easy to be a moron.

2:11:53We need wolves in the streets.

2:11:55We need predators everywhere. We need something like a real fear of the consequences of

2:12:00your actions. Yeah, that's why animals stay in line.

2:12:03Exactly. You know, we talk all this shit about animals, but they're like, they're keeping

2:12:07it. They got gender roles.

2:12:08They're doing all the shit we're not supposed to do.

2:12:10Not a lot of non -binary wolves.

2:12:13Yeah. They don't make it.

2:12:14The male penguin gets the fish.

2:12:16The female watches the eggs.

2:12:17If he was like, I want to be a graphic designer.

2:12:20Fuck this shit. Like, it would collapse.

2:12:22Exactly. It would all fall apart.

2:12:24Yeah. The idea of gender roles.

2:12:26Like, you know, I had this lady on who was explaining the roots of feminism.

2:12:31It was the strangest conversation because she was talking about how all these people that

2:12:38started, like, radical feminism were all completely fucked up.

2:12:42Ah. They were all out of their fucking minds.

2:12:44Right. They were all, like, having all these affairs.

2:12:47Ah. Not raising their kids.

2:12:49Ah. They were completely self -obsessed.

2:12:51Right. And they're the ones who tricked all these women into being girl bosses.

2:12:54Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, anytime someone is too outlandish about something, there's always a trigger

2:13:00for that. There's always a reason.

2:13:02Uh -huh. No matter what it is.

2:13:03Yeah. I'm going to take down these pedophiles.

2:13:06And you're like, what's in your basement?

2:13:07Right. You know? Right. I mean, I'm against pedophiles.

2:13:10I'm just saying. I've seen, like, when they did this, like, when Pizzagate was happening.

2:13:15Mm -hmm. There was all these people that debunked Pizzagate.

2:13:17Four of the journalists that debunked Pizzagate got arrested for either child sex crimes or

2:13:23child porn. Wow. There you go.

2:13:26Isn't that crazy? It's - Guys are like, this is an unfounded conspiracy theory.

2:13:30This is all bullshit. Right.

2:13:31They were pervs. Pedophiles. It's like, same with Bill Cosby.

2:13:35Why is he so gung -ho about you pulling your pants off, speaking right, don't

2:13:39curse? There's something behind it.

2:13:40There's always something behind it.

2:13:41Yes. He's the best example, right?

2:13:44Yeah. Ellen. Ellen is up there.

2:13:46Be kind. I'm dancing. And then she's the coups of the year.

2:13:49Yeah. Well, I knew about that a long time ago, because Fitzsimmons worked for her.

2:13:53Yeah. That's right. He told everybody.

2:13:54Oh, he told everybody. He told me, like, fucking decades ago.

2:13:58He's like, she's such a cunt.

2:14:00Yeah. I was like, really?

2:14:01Ellen? I was shocked. Me too.

2:14:04We all were. I was like, she seems so sweet.

2:14:05Yeah. She seems so nice.

2:14:06He's like, dude, she's fucking horrible to her staff.

2:14:09She's horrible to everybody. I'm like, wow.

2:14:11Wow. There you go. Everybody loved her.

2:14:13And it took during the pandemic, when everybody was bored, before it all came out.

2:14:16Right, right. So I was like, hey, let me tell you something about that lady.

2:14:20But one interesting takeaway is the fact that she was kind of canceled for being

2:14:25gay in the 90s. And she came out of it and became a star.

2:14:29And then she got canceled for being mean.

2:14:30That's progress. Right? Yeah. But people celebrated her because she got canceled for being gay.

2:14:36They canceled her show. Isn't that nuts?

2:14:38Like, you could get a show on the air now if you were playing a

2:14:42gay character. Right. They'd be like, ooh, diversity.

2:14:44Yes. This is, like, going to get greenlit.

2:14:46Yeah. Well, it's funny how that gay used to be the ultimate insult when I

2:14:50was in high school. And now I got friends like, tell them I'm bi.

2:14:53I'm trying to fit in.

2:14:54Right. So it went from an insult to, like, a cool thing.

2:14:57I'm pansexual. That's my favorite.

2:14:59Yes. I'll fuck everybody. That's what it is.

2:15:02I'm attracted to everybody. Like, that's nuts.

2:15:04But in 20 years, you're going to be like, tell them I'm a child molester.

2:15:06I'm trying to fit in.

2:15:07Like, where does it end?

2:15:08Well, there are academics that are trying to say that these are minor attracted persons.

2:15:14I've heard of maps. That's bananas.

2:15:17Insane. Why aren't we talking?

2:15:19Why isn't that a big story?

2:15:21Gadsad calls it suicidal empathy.

2:15:23You get to a point where you're trying to justify everything and empathize with everything

2:15:29to the point where you make horrific actions and terrible crimes justifiable.

2:15:34Well, doesn't it kind of horse you?

2:15:35You know, like, you see, like, an alt -right guy.

2:15:38He'll draw a swastika on a synagogue.

2:15:39And you're like, all right, that guy's a piece of shit.

2:15:41But then a liberal guy will do it on a Cybertruck.

2:15:43Exactly. And you're like, wait, you guys just met in the middle somehow.

2:15:46Exactly. Crazy. You're putting swastikas on Cybertrucks because you think Elon Musk is a Nazi.

2:15:52Because he said, my heart goes out to you while he's trying to stop fraud

2:15:55and waste. And they're using the whole political machine to paint this guy as a

2:15:59Nazi. You're buying into it to virtue signal.

2:16:01And so to show that you're buying into it, you're keying Teslas.

2:16:06But when you look at the steps of it, it's fascinating.

2:16:09Well, it's the same thing we were talking about earlier.

2:16:12Like, the religious right is the same thing as the religious left and Islamists.

2:16:17Yeah. It's the same thing.

2:16:18It's like patterns of human behavior.

2:16:20Yeah. Where you want to point at other people and not look at yourself.

2:16:23And you want to think that your radical beliefs are fine.

2:16:26Right. And everybody else's radical beliefs are wrong.

2:16:28But we've gotten there with politics.

2:16:30Mm -hmm. And that's what's scary.

2:16:31Because no one, people aren't, there's not even two parties anymore.

2:16:33There's two algorithms. Everybody's just seeing two totally different realities.

2:16:36Yes. Like these Iranian soccer player ladies who are too scared to go home.

2:16:41And you're like, where's Rapinoe?

2:16:42Right. Where's that lesbo, that loud mouth?

2:16:45She's a justice warrior. This is, do some justice.

2:16:49Right. These people, they're fucking family back homes being kidnapped.

2:16:53Yeah. These people are in like real danger.

2:16:55Yes. And no one's supporting them.

2:16:57Incredibly brave to do that.

2:16:59They show the hair, whatever they do.

2:17:00And they're scared to go home.

2:17:01And then like their family members get tortured because they won't come back.

2:17:04Exactly. It's fucking horrible. Exactly.

2:17:06I think those people sought refuge in Australia now.

2:17:09That's right. That's who they are.

2:17:10That's right. I mean, their whole life has been ruined.

2:17:12They're fucked. And no support from the left.

2:17:14Yeah, give a tweet or something hashtag.

2:17:16It's crazy Like how do they like pick certain things right support and other things

2:17:22they just blatantly ignore it's fucking fascinating It's so contradictory You know the right will

2:17:28be like abortions bad, but then they'll have an abortion right behind the behind the

2:17:32You know behind the curtain.

2:17:33Yeah, or like the left like get horribly mad at like the George Floyd violence,

2:17:39right? How did they do that to him?

2:17:40But then that lady in Charlotte gets stabbed on a train?

2:17:43Oh, yeah Not a peep.

2:17:45You got some guy that's getting released from jail like fucking 40 times.

2:17:48He's a violent offender right over and over again Stab some random lady who survived

2:17:53the Ukraine war. She was a refugee from Ukraine and not a not a bad

2:17:57looker hot very hot That's the problem.

2:17:59Nobody feels sympathetic for a hot lady.

2:18:01She's got it too easy.

2:18:02Well, that's crap. People are people nuts Damn nuts and then I feel like like

2:18:08some of this we're saying is controversial But how is this God's room?

2:18:11We're just saying what is in a world gone crazy speaking sane is controversial That's

2:18:16why I feel so fucking good when shit comes back to real like when you

2:18:19know we had to call fat people beautiful And they're all on a zip pick

2:18:23They're all on a zip pick like what are we doing here?

2:18:25So now it's okay to go.

2:18:27All right. I'm I like being thin.

2:18:28I want to be hot I know but they never go.

2:18:31I was lying. I lied a bunch.

2:18:33I know I was a fat piece of shit.

2:18:35I hated it Lizzo's losing weight.

2:18:37She was the fat champion.

2:18:38I know she's lost a lot of weight.

2:18:40Yeah, good now. She looks great But I like fat Lizzo.

2:18:42She's probably a lot healthier.

2:18:44It's like better for her.

2:18:45Of course Yeah, I mean it's very strange people are mad at jelly roll for

2:18:49losing weight Well, his name's jelly roll.

2:18:51You know he fucked up.

2:18:53Well now he's a jelly churro He's lost 300 fucking pounds with pure discipline is

2:19:02that come on. Yeah, Noah's epic Really?

2:19:06Noah's epic. What's he doing?

2:19:07He does testosterone placement and exercise That's it and and changed his diet eliminated sugar

2:19:13Eliminated everything from his diet because he was a big boy.

2:19:16He was 500 pounds. Wow.

2:19:18Yeah, he lost 300 He's in the twos now and then 35 pounds of it

2:19:22is extra skin Ooh, he's got crazy extra skin.

2:19:26He worked out with me in here He he had ran six miles the day

2:19:29before came into the studio before the podcast we did He ran two and a

2:19:33half miles on the treadmill.

2:19:34I watched him. Wow. I mean Talking like in great shape.

2:19:38He's talking while he's running laughing joking around.

2:19:40Hey, good for him super nice to everybody Nice sweet the sweetest fucking guy you

2:19:45ever want to meet. He's a very nice guy to everybody man Everybody's he's hugging

2:19:50everybody He's like a sweet kind guy and he's on the right path and he's

2:19:55lost 300 fucking pounds Wow good for him.

2:19:59Yeah, he's got to change the name No, you can't be jelly roll and thin

2:20:04just call him jelly I call him jelly anyway.

2:20:07What is his real name?

2:20:09I've known that guy for fucking seven years.

2:20:11I don't even know his real name Jason Jason you're Jason now.

2:20:14I'm sorry. No, I've known for seven years.

2:20:16I met him at my club So I met I've known for three years.

2:20:19All right, Jason. I didn't know that I would guess like Brian Yeah, yeah, who

2:20:24knows who knows, but it's cool.

2:20:26He's got a fake name though.

2:20:27That's a good move. Yeah, that's a black guy move Yeah, well vanilla ice Black

2:20:31guy move You know earthquake they all have cool name.

2:20:35Lil Wayne. You gotta have a cool name here black guy Right, right, right very

2:20:38few comics have done that earthquake's one of the few You know, we had hamburger

2:20:42for a minute cable guy.

2:20:43There you go. Yeah, there's a white guy doing it dice clay.

2:20:46Yes, that's a fake name Right, so a couple guys did it Yeah, dice clay

2:20:51is just dice. I just call him dice.

2:20:53He just kind of turned into dice.

2:20:55Yeah, just is dice now Well, most people don't know that he was Andrew Silverstein.

2:20:59Yes, and the dice man was one of many characters that he did on stage

2:21:03Travolta Jerry Lewis. He did a bunch of guys.

2:21:05Oh, he's got great impressions.

2:21:07He's a talent. He's a talented guy He's not just a talented guy.

2:21:10That guy is a legitimate performance artist.

2:21:12Yeah, he does performance art on the street for fun for no money And he's

2:21:18literally mocking the fact that he's not famous.

2:21:21Yes That's comedy the most ego free right version of that shit I opened for

2:21:26him once and I was kind of nervous.

2:21:28He's you know He's a he's a legend and I went up to him.

2:21:30I was like hello, Mr Dice just letting you know, I'm your opener goes you

2:21:33want a picture I'm like, no, I'm just letting you know, um, your opener how

2:21:35much time you want me to do he goes You want a picture and I'm

2:21:38like, I don't need a picture just how much time do you want me to

2:21:41do? He goes get over here and he gets me in a headlock and takes

2:21:43a picture and I never I just didn't know how much time to do But

2:21:47that's he was fucking with me.

2:21:48He gave me great advice in the 90s Uh -huh.

2:21:51I was doing news radio and I was just doing the store and the laugh

2:21:55factory and the improv He's like you should do the road.

2:21:58Mmm, and I said really I go why he goes you don't want to be

2:22:01relying on these fucking jerk offs to make your living He goes you're a funny

2:22:06comic. He goes you could be headlining all over the country making a good living

2:22:09You don't need these fucking people.

2:22:11That's really nice. It was the smartest thing that anybody ever taught me You got

2:22:14to do the road. I had to do the road because I was you know,

2:22:17I was doing like 15 minute sets And then you know, I never was really

2:22:20headlining for like a few years Yeah, and I did back when I lived in

2:22:24New York and then all of a sudden I was like, you know He's right

2:22:27and then I started really putting together an hour like a solid hour on the

2:22:31road and it got way better Yeah, my act got way better and and then

2:22:35I realized like if a show gets canceled I can still make a living Right,

2:22:40you know, like whereas everybody who just works and those poor comics that stopped doing

2:22:45the road and then become writers That's even worse than being an actor because nobody

2:22:50knows who you are Right And you're completely reliant on the scene to feed you

2:22:56anything you have a mortgage, right?

2:22:57Maybe you have a family of a wife and kids I know Maybe you have

2:23:00college you have to pay for those writers rooms are cushy though You get air

2:23:03conditioning you get snacks and you get a health care you get a paycheck and

2:23:07you go into an office every day But you're writing the funny stuff that that

2:23:10other person says true and in the back of your head, you know Like the

2:23:13reason why it's funny is because of my mind.

2:23:15Yeah, no one knows who I am.

2:23:16I know It's a velvet prison and then you see these 65 year old comics

2:23:20back on the funny bone train because they got to make money And no one

2:23:24knows who they are and they can't sell a ticket.

2:23:26They can't sell a ticket.

2:23:27That is a bummer it's a Bummer.

2:23:29Yeah. And all these guys that missed the podcast train, too.

2:23:32Ooh. A lot of those guys, like, they've kind of abandoned the bitterness, but years

2:23:36ago, guys were really bitter.

2:23:38I remember that. Like, are you a comic or are you a podcaster?

2:23:41Right. Well, I can't do both?

2:23:42What am I doing all day?

2:23:44Yeah, it's a cheat code.

2:23:45People get to know you.

2:23:46Yeah. They listen to you every day or every week, and then you get to

2:23:48go to their town. Yeah.

2:23:50And in conversation with people, you come up with ideas.

2:23:53That's true. That's a big one.

2:23:55That's true, yeah. I mean, I think the podcast saved the store.

2:23:58Oh, yeah. 100%. I was a part of it.

2:24:02I know for a fact it did.

2:24:03It changed everything. You had all those guys.

2:24:05Santino, Theo, all those. A hundred percent.

2:24:08Chrysler. A hundred percent changed the store.

2:24:10And it changed everybody's attitude towards each other, because instead of being competition, like, we're

2:24:15all struggling to try to get this one spot on a sitcom or this one

2:24:19host of a show. Instead, we're all, like, an asset to each other, because we're

2:24:23guests on each other's show.

2:24:25Hey, could you help me promote my Netflix special?

2:24:27Yeah, come on. Right. And everybody's an asset.

2:24:29Yes. Everybody helps everybody. They help you.

2:24:31You're a guest on theirs.

2:24:32You're a guest on yours.

2:24:33And it's so low maintenance.

2:24:36Yes. You just set it up in a hotel room and put it out.

2:24:39And people love it, because they love real conversations.

2:24:42Yeah. And it's hard to get those in this weird world where everybody's communicating on

2:24:45social media. Well, it makes you think that.

2:24:47Maybe that's why actors have to play ball, because they don't have this thing to

2:24:51rely on. So they've got to, you know, play the game and bullshit each other.

2:24:56The sane ones that I talk to, they talk about the deep pain that it

2:24:59gives them having to fucking acquiesce to these people.

2:25:02Yeah, yeah. Well, I just did, you know, I'm doing this crazy press tour with

2:25:05the special. I just did a late night show, and it was fun.

2:25:08You do the couch, you put makeup on, you put on a nice jacket, and

2:25:12you yuck it up for the live audience.

2:25:13But you're just sitting there going, that guy's got a headset and a clipboard.

2:25:17What is she doing over there?

2:25:18He's like a page. He's an intern.

2:25:20It's so much wasted money.

2:25:23So much wasted money. And you're like, no one of these are kind of going

2:25:25away. Yeah. It's unnecessary. Well, that was the thing about the complaint about the Colbert

2:25:29show being canceled. They're like, you're censoring, you're censoring speech.

2:25:34But Colbert show is losing CBS 40 to 50 million dollars a year.

2:25:39Mm, Jesus. That's wild. Well, who watches it?

2:25:44I mean, no offense to these guys.

2:25:46They're all super talented, whatever, but it's like.

2:25:48The idea that they're supposed to keep that thing on the air while they're hemorrhaging

2:25:51money from it is crazy.

2:25:52And the guest is just like a crapshoot.

2:25:54Who are we getting today?

2:25:55Snooki? Oh, great. I'm not going to watch that.

2:25:58I couldn't think of anybody relevant.

2:26:00But, you know, they got to sit and talk to Snooki.

2:26:02You got a book out, huh?

2:26:04Who's going to watch that?

2:26:05That was Bill Hicks' old joke about Jay Leno killing himself.

2:26:08Do you remember that joke?

2:26:09Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sitting down next to Joey Lawrence.

2:26:11Hey, you got a girlfriend?

2:26:12Remember? Exactly, exactly. And then he sticks an Uzi in his mouth and it blows

2:26:15out his brains. They form an NBC peacock.

2:26:18Yes, yes. Because he's a company man to the bitter end.

2:26:20Well, that's why Conan, he saw the writing on the wall and he said, I'm

2:26:23starting a pod. Yeah. Well, he also left and did the TBS show, which was

2:26:27like way less pressure. You know, that was a good move.

2:26:30That's true. Because he still got to do his own show and people watch it

2:26:33that are fans. It still kept an audience.

2:26:35But he still stayed himself.

2:26:38Yeah, yeah, that's true. He's a smart guy.

2:26:39He's a smart guy and he's super funny.

2:26:41Very funny guy. Super funny.

2:26:42Very funny guy. He helped me a lot in the early days, too.

2:26:45Yeah. I was on his show way, way back in the day.

2:26:47A friend of mine was a writer on his show in the very beginning.

2:26:51And when I went to the filming, their banter was all planned out.

2:26:57They had these big post boards with all the dialogue.

2:27:03And someone would be standing behind, what was the other guy's name?

2:27:07Richter? Yeah, Andy Richter. Someone would be standing behind Andy Richter and someone would be

2:27:10standing behind Conan. And so they would read the things that they were going to

2:27:14say. It was all scripted out.

2:27:15I was like, oh, this is crazy.

2:27:17That's funny because when I did this late night show, they call you at like

2:27:2010 in the morning. Like, what do you want to talk about?

2:27:21It's a, what do you call those guys?

2:27:23Like the producer guy who gives you the, and he's like, what about this?

2:27:27I'm like, nobody cares about that.

2:27:28He's like, we'll talk about your writing process and how you got into stand -up.

2:27:30I'm like, that's just hack shit that's been done to death.

2:27:33Exactly. Let me riff. Let me riff.

2:27:35I'm a comic. Yeah. Well, I did the Bob and Tom show once.

2:27:38Oh. They tried to do that to me.

2:27:40The worst. The producer got upset at me.

2:27:42Bob and Tom were great.

2:27:43Yeah, yeah. The pros. The producers were upset with me.

2:27:48He was like, visibly upset.

2:27:49He goes, well, what are you going to bring up?

2:27:51Yeah. And I go, I don't know.

2:27:52He's like, you don't know.

2:27:54I go, we're going to have fun.

2:27:55Don't worry about it. Yeah.

2:27:56I've done this a fucking million times.

2:27:57Exactly. Let's go in there and have a good time.

2:27:59Don't worry about it. I did it once.

2:28:00I was so green that they made me write on Loose Leaf setups.

2:28:03And I wrote like eight setups.

2:28:05So then he'd be like, so I hear you have a dog.

2:28:07And I'm like, yeah. And I do my dog bit.

2:28:08Oh, it's horrible. I know.

2:28:10It was like school. That used to be all morning radio, guys doing their act

2:28:15on the radio. Yeah. It was terrible.

2:28:17Terrible. Terrible. Fake. You know what changed that?

2:28:20Opie and Anthony. Oh, yeah.

2:28:23Opie and Anthony was the beginning of podcasts.

2:28:26Not Stern? No. Stern was the beginning of free speech.

2:28:29Stern was the beginning of like being wild on the radio.

2:28:32He's the goat. Like if it wasn't for him, none of this.

2:28:36We would have no podcast.

2:28:37Well, I don't know if we wouldn't have a podcast.

2:28:39But the evolution of it would have been stalled radically.

2:28:41He was the guy that stuck his neck out.

2:28:44He was the guy that got fined.

2:28:46And like during the Bush administration, people forget about that.

2:28:48They were going after him for indecency.

2:28:51Oh, yeah. Not blasphemy. Obscenity.

2:28:54They were fining the fucking stations and insane amounts of money.

2:28:58Right. But he was so big that he stayed alive and survived that.

2:29:02But then Opie and Anthony came along and it was totally different.

2:29:06It was just wild and loose.

2:29:09Yeah. And it was just Norton and Voss and Patrice and fucking - Louis, Quinn.

2:29:13Louis and all of us.

2:29:14DiBolo. And Ari. And we would all go in.

2:29:17And I loved going there.

2:29:19Yeah. I loved going. And then when Anthony started doing live from the compound.

2:29:24So he had this sick house in Long Island.

2:29:27They made a ton of money.

2:29:27Oh, yeah. And he had this sick house in Long Island.

2:29:30And he built his own studio in his basement so he could live stream.

2:29:33Oh, wow. And he had like Guinness on tap.

2:29:36And he had like real professional microphones and cameras.

2:29:39And it was nuts. Freedom.

2:29:41And I was like, wow.

2:29:43That - That's it. And they were trying to get him to stop doing it.

2:29:45Really? They were saying, yeah, this is violating your contract.

2:29:47He goes, I'm not making any money off of this.

2:29:49Yeah, yeah. I'm just doing it.

2:29:50Love of the game. And they were upset that he was doing this on the

2:29:53internet. Wow. Yeah. And so he, and then Tom Green.

2:29:58Tom Green was a big one.

2:29:59Oh, yeah, that was a big one.

2:30:00He did his internet show.

2:30:01Yeah. But it was just totally loose.

2:30:03Like, there was no asking you what you wanted to talk about when you were

2:30:06sitting on the couch. Just came in and hung out.

2:30:08Yeah. And Tom Green's a funny guy, and he's smart and loose, and we're having

2:30:12a good time. And I was like, this is it.

2:30:15This is the future. He was weird, innovative.

2:30:17He got ball surgery on air.

2:30:19Remember that? He had ball cancer, and he did the surgery on the show.

2:30:23Did he really? Yeah. He was ahead of the game.

2:30:25But these TV shows are so weird because they want comics on, but they don't

2:30:29want you to be a comic.

2:30:30Right. These morning shows are like, oh, what's up, funny man?

2:30:32And you're like, well, I had told, and they're like, cut it, cut it.

2:30:35You know, I'm like, I'm just being me.

2:30:36They're just scared. You had me on.

2:30:38They're scared. They get scared.

2:30:39You know, they get scared of losing their job.

2:30:41I mean, those people are really scared.

2:30:42Because they don't have nothing.

2:30:44All they have is like, hey, good morning.

2:30:47Right. It's five past the hour.

2:30:49You know, here's Tom with the weather.

2:30:50Yeah. It's like a bullshit fake gig.

2:30:52Yeah. And so anything can take it away from them.

2:30:54So all the stuff that they rely on, their fucking membership of the country club

2:30:59that they have to pay for, all that stuff could go away at any moment.

2:31:02So they live terrified. That's a prison.

2:31:04I know. He might as well be a weatherman.

2:31:06Yeah. And even the weatherman, same thing.

2:31:08Yeah. That's a good gig, though.

2:31:10I guess. I mean, you just eight minutes and go, oh, the Doppler.

2:31:13Oh, you do some hand movements and then you're done.

2:31:15Yeah. It's just, you live in hell.

2:31:18We're lucky as fuck. We're very lucky.

2:31:19And I'm very grateful. We're lucky as fuck.

2:31:21But this platform, like the podcast platform that we all enjoy, that we all do,

2:31:26wouldn't have existed without Opie and Anthony.

2:31:29Opie and Anthony was the first time where comics got together and it was completely

2:31:33loose. Yeah. It was just, there was no figuring out, like, what we're going to

2:31:39say. Everybody was just riffing.

2:31:40Yeah. They're all shitting on each other.

2:31:42And then when it went to XM, it was amazing.

2:31:45Yeah. Because then you could swear.

2:31:46Right, right. Oh, my God.

2:31:48It got crazy. If you've never heard it, go on YouTube and watch it.

2:31:51There's some fucking comedy gold on there.

2:31:54Gold. Especially the Patrice episodes.

2:31:56Yes. Oh, my God. He was so good.

2:31:57That's where he really shined.

2:31:58You know, him and Louie together talking about Black vs.

2:32:01Mexican was amazing. And they do one episode where they talk about where the N

2:32:05-word came from. And Louie goes, well, I think it was just a bunch of

2:32:07guys being N -words. You never heard shit like that.

2:32:11Right, right. It was comedy gold.

2:32:13Well, you could be free.

2:32:14And then Tough Crowd. Yeah, that was another one.

2:32:17Another one. Another kind of situation.

2:32:18Yeah, yeah. Yeah, where comics just got together and Colin Quinn was hosting it.

2:32:23And he's hilarious. And everybody's just riffing and fucking around.

2:32:26And Norton's chiming in. Yes.

2:32:28Nick DiPaolo's chiming in. And Greg Giraldo when he was alive.

2:32:31Oh, brilliant guy. Oh, he was great.

2:32:33Yeah, but comedy's weird because I got my special out.

2:32:36And it's only been out like a day or two.

2:32:38But I'm getting all these nice messages.

2:32:39I love that bit. I love that bit.

2:32:41And those are the bits that didn't really do as well as some of the

2:32:44other ones. Isn't that weird how that works?

2:32:45Well, sometimes people just like something clever that's different than the way they think.

2:32:50Like, oh, I like that.

2:32:51Right, right. If it isn't, you know, there's bits that are just hilarious.

2:32:55And there's other bits that just make me smile.

2:32:57Like, that's fucking great. That's a great bit.

2:32:59That's true. Just like Hicks said that once.

2:33:02Like, if it's not going to be funny, at least make it interesting.

2:33:05Yeah, that's good. Yeah, be funny, but just be you.

2:33:08But if you can be both.

2:33:09Yes. That's the winner. That's the key.

2:33:11That's the key. Yeah. And it's just this fucking constant dance.

2:33:15And then as soon as it's over, oh my God, I'm starting from scratch.

2:33:18Oh, that's where I'm at.

2:33:20I got the special out.

2:33:20I'm back to square one.

2:33:22I'm the worst comic in America right now.

2:33:23You going to be at the club tonight?

2:33:24I'll be there. Joey's at the club tonight.

2:33:26Oh. Joey Diaz is headlining.

2:33:28I don't want to follow him with my horse shit.

2:33:29No, he'll be headlining. Okay, great.

2:33:32No one has to follow him.

2:33:33He's a fucking animal. He is.

2:33:34He's on fire right now.

2:33:36Really? He's on fire. Yeah, because he's been doing these residencies.

2:33:40He's been doing casinos in Philadelphia.

2:33:42Oh, boy. He's been doing shows all around New York and New Jersey.

2:33:45Yeah. He's killing it right now.

2:33:47Oh, good. I'm still trying to get him to move out here.

2:33:49I'm trying. I can see that.

2:33:51I'm going to have to get him a place.

2:33:52I think I might have to buy a place.

2:33:54A little warm out here, though.

2:33:55He's a sweaty Cuban. Yeah, he'll deal with it.

2:33:57Cuba's hot, too. That's a good point.

2:33:59I mean, really, right now.

2:34:00He doesn't really complain about heat that much.

2:34:02All right. Joey complains about assholes, pussies, these fucking moques, these white people.

2:34:08Joe Rogan, you're around these fucking white people too much.

2:34:10Yeah, well, New York's the weirdest because you walk by a hobo jerking off, and

2:34:14then I'll tell a zinger, and people are like, easy.

2:34:16Isn't that weird? I'm like, there's a dead guy on Third Street in the subway

2:34:20you took here, and then I tell a joke, and people are like, whoa, buddy.

2:34:23Well, it'll turn around. It just has to.

2:34:26Culture goes in these big waves.

2:34:28Yeah. It's like a seesaw.

2:34:29It goes up. It goes down.

2:34:31It goes back. It goes forth.

2:34:32It just feels like with young people, it's an HR vibe in the young world.

2:34:37Well, you think that's the world they have to live in every day at work.

2:34:39That's a good point. They go from the university where they're taught that shit, and

2:34:43then they go to a job where they're taught that shit, and that shit can

2:34:45actually help them get ahead.

2:34:46Right. And if you enforce it, people are like, oh, they're scared.

2:34:50They'll help you. They'll move you ahead.

2:34:51Yeah. If you push these values and push these ideas, it'll help.

2:34:56And then there's people that their whole job is just enforcing that stuff in the

2:35:00workplace. And those people are fucked up.

2:35:02Those are scary people. HR people are the wackiest nuts on the planet.

2:35:05Oh, those are the scary people, because those are the fucking the hall pass monitors.

2:35:09Right. You're right. It's kind of like Asian porn.

2:35:13You know, Asians are the most repressed people, and their porn is bananas, because they've

2:35:17got to get it out.

2:35:18You know what's nuts about some of their porn?

2:35:19They have to blur out the genitals.

2:35:21I know. Silly. Help me out.

2:35:23What are we doing here?

2:35:24Help me out. Yeah, that's a tiny pixel.

2:35:26I don't get to see her asshole where she's shitting in a guy's mouth.

2:35:30This is crazy. That's funny.

2:35:33This is legitimately crazy. Yeah, yeah.

2:35:35You know, like in the 90s, you couldn't say fuck, but you could say the

2:35:38N -word. On TV. Interesting.

2:35:41Yeah. Saturday Night Live. Exactly.

2:35:43Right. You could say the N -word.

2:35:44That Chevy Chase, Richard Pryor thing?

2:35:46Yes, exactly. But you couldn't say fuck at all.

2:35:50At all. So it's funny how we take certain, that's okay, but not that.

2:35:54I know. People are always looking to tell people what to do.

2:35:57Yeah. That's really what it is.

2:35:59And that's not new. They're always looking to define people as being worse than them.

2:36:03Like, that's a bad person.

2:36:04Right. I'm a good person.

2:36:05Yes. And they're always looking to tell people what to do.

2:36:07Yeah. That's as old as time, you know.

2:36:10Yeah, sure. These old, you know.

2:36:12But it just keeps shifting.

2:36:13Like in the 50s, you couldn't have a man and a woman in the same

2:36:15bed, but you could smoke in front of a baby.

2:36:18And now you can have people fucking on TV, but smoking is like, they have

2:36:22a disclaimer. There's always going to be bitches in this world ruining it for everybody.

2:36:27No matter what you do, there's always going to be people that try to find

2:36:30a loophole, try to find some fucking cheat code, sneak their way to the top,

2:36:34take Ozempic, do what they got to do.

2:36:36I guess so. But we're all going to die one day, folks.

2:36:38You might as well have a good time.

2:36:39You should be having a good time before you die.

2:36:41Yeah. Don't wait till you die and go, I should have had more fun.

2:36:44Yeah. Well, don't have too much fun.

2:36:47Bert Kreischer's, he quit drinking.

2:36:49He had to. He was dying.

2:36:51He got blood clots. Yeah.

2:36:53Probably from the Vax. He took four of those fucking things.

2:36:56Really? Yeah. He had to keep taking them because he was doing projects.

2:37:00Oh, yeah. Yeah. They kept telling him he needs another booster in order to do

2:37:03this new thing. Well, what happened to his tour bus?

2:37:05What happened to his tour bus?

2:37:06Oh, J -Mo. His tour bus caught on fire.

2:37:10When did this happen? I think three days ago.

2:37:13Oh. And they got a flat tire and then just randomly, like, I think they

2:37:17got another ride and like, while they were getting the ride, it caught on fire.

2:37:20What happened? They could have been in there.

2:37:21I think he's, uh, he might be smartly saving it for a podcast or something.

2:37:26Oh, shit. Well, it's all over the news, too.

2:37:28Yeah, they just showed the fire, but I don't think that they've said, like, caused

2:37:32it. He did a big Instagram Live about it.

2:37:34I didn't watch it, but, uh, yeah.

2:37:35That thing is torched. It looks like Gaza footage.

2:37:38Bert's the type of guy I might light his tour bus on fire just for

2:37:40clicks. Look at that. Whoa.

2:37:42Comedian Bert Kreischer's tour bus destroyed by fire in Minnesota.

2:37:46Yeah, the fucking Antifa got him.

2:37:48Yeah. Well, Minnesota's cursed, man.

2:37:49Fire is unknown. Yeah, Antifa.

2:37:51I'm calling it. I'm calling it.

2:37:53It's the anti -ice people.

2:37:55We are all safe, but my bus is gone.

2:37:57God works in mysterious ways.

2:37:58What? Oh, he lit it on fire.

2:38:00Come on. As soon as you say God works in mysterious ways.

2:38:02Look at that thing. That's nuts.

2:38:05Something can't stop the machine.

2:38:06Wow. That's crazy. Something's burning.

2:38:09That's got to suck, because that was a very expensive, expensive tour bus.

2:38:14Yeah. He was always on that thing.

2:38:17Oh, my God. That is crazy.

2:38:19I've never had the desire to get a tour bus.

2:38:20I don't like it either.

2:38:21I'm open for Bert on the bus, and it's fun, but I couldn't do that

2:38:25all day, every day. Well, I don't get hammered like he does, so it's like

2:38:28this idea of just touring around.

2:38:29But my friends that are musicians, like Sturgill Simpson, he loves being on the bus.

2:38:33Yeah, some people love it.

2:38:34He said it's like a living room that you travel around in.

2:38:37They're all strumming along, singing songs, partying, laughing, watching movies.

2:38:41I guess that's nice. Give me a flight.

2:38:43I'll get there in 10 minutes.

2:38:44Exactly. You're traveling all night.

2:38:46I need to go to the gym.

2:38:47I need to eat steak.

2:38:49Right. Nice restaurant. I don't like doing that.

2:38:52I'm with you, and that bed is like a coffin.

2:38:54Yeah. And you feel the bump of the road, and you're like, oh, we could

2:38:56just turn off any minute and not on the highway.

2:38:58You think about crashing. Exactly.

2:39:00What about that guy driving falls asleep?

2:39:02Oh, and those aren't the most stand -up guys driving those, but they're like ex

2:39:06-cons and pedophiles and whatnot.

2:39:08It's weird. Also, I've never done those long tours like that.

2:39:12I don't like those. I don't either.

2:39:14I think they're bad for you.

2:39:15Well, also, we got kids, so I like to get in, get back.

2:39:18Get in, get back. Yeah.

2:39:19I've always done that. I've always done like a week, except one time I did

2:39:23the Maxim comedy tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron.

2:39:26Whoa. We did 22 dates in a month, and I hated it, because I'd be

2:39:32waking up, and I'm like, where am I?

2:39:33I didn't know where I was.

2:39:34You're right. Because you're always on the road.

2:39:3622 dates is crazy. It was nuts.

2:39:38In a row. No, you don't even know what day it is.

2:39:40But by the end of that month, whoo, you're sharp.

2:39:44You're tight. Oh, you're sharp.

2:39:46Yeah. You're just out there murdering.

2:39:48You're just like, your timing is on point.

2:39:50Everything is just rock solid.

2:39:52And in a weird group, Heffron, Murphy, and you?

2:39:54Yeah. That's a lot of range.

2:39:56It was fun. Heffron's funny.

2:39:58He's fun. He's really funny.

2:40:00Clean, too, I think. Well, he mixes it up.

2:40:02He's not clean offstage. Offstage is hilarious.

2:40:05He's just hilarious, period. He's a really good joke writer, too.

2:40:07And this was like, he had come off of Last Comic Standing.

2:40:09Right. He won that. Right.

2:40:11And then Charlie was the best.

2:40:13Oh, yeah? Charlie, she was such a - I never met him.

2:40:15Such a good dude. Really?

2:40:17Such a real man. Yeah.

2:40:19Just a real solid dude.

2:40:21Well, Eddie Murphy always talks about he was kind of his protector.

2:40:24Like, if he talked shit about Eddie Murphy, he would just go beat you up.

2:40:26Oh, yeah. Well, Charlie was a legitimate martial artist.

2:40:29Oh, is that? I didn't know that.

2:40:30Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He fought in karate tournaments and shit.

2:40:32Yeah. Yeah, we talked a lot about martial arts.

2:40:35Wow. He knew his shit, for sure.

2:40:37Oh, I didn't know that.

2:40:38Yeah. I just thought he was a street guy.

2:40:39No, he knew how to fight.

2:40:40He was a dangerous guy.

2:40:41But just a nice guy.

2:40:43Just a solid human being.

2:40:46I didn't even know he was sick, man.

2:40:47I had no idea until he died.

2:40:51Cancer? And he kept it quiet.

2:40:53Just like Norm did. Yeah.

2:40:56No one knew. Norm was talking about moving to Austin.

2:40:59No way. He was talking about coming out here.

2:41:00Yeah, man. Wow. And then just fucking died.

2:41:03That's so commendable in this victim culture.

2:41:06He could have gotten so many points off that, and he just wrote it out.

2:41:09Apparently, he had been fighting cancer for a long time.

2:41:12Yeah. And if you look at him, when he got real puffy for a while,

2:41:15that was probably what was going on.

2:41:18Oh. Yeah. He was probably battling cancer.

2:41:21If you watch his old, I'm talking 80s clips, he's holding his stomach, like on

2:41:25Letterman, because he had stomach cancer.

2:41:27Whoa. And that's why he always touched his stomach, because I think it hurt.

2:41:29He had it for that long?

2:41:30He had it, because he had it, and then he kind of beat it, and

2:41:33it came back. Oh, man.

2:41:35Yeah. Crazy. He's a hero.

2:41:38Oh, man. Is there a funnier guy than Norm?

2:41:41I mean - One of the funniest guys of all time.

2:41:43Funny on a podcast, funny on stand -up, funny in movies.

2:41:46Funny talking to him in the hallway at the store.

2:41:48Yes, yes, exactly. And just a great guy, man.

2:41:50Oh, yeah. A great guy.

2:41:52And would go after people who were cunts online, too.

2:41:55Yeah, he did. He did.

2:41:57The Simon guy went after him.

2:41:58Oh, really? Yeah. One day, I'm going to meet you in real life.

2:42:01Whoa. Yeah. He wrote Shane a nice, Shane showed me the email after he got

2:42:05in trouble. He's a solid, he was a solid dude.

2:42:08He was a real solid, and fucking funny, man.

2:42:10So brilliant. So funny. Enlightened and he was like a Dostoevsky reader, you know, and

2:42:15everybody thought he was this, you know, dumb guy.

2:42:17I sat next to him randomly on a flight twice.

2:42:21Don't do the smoking story.

2:42:22I did already. All right, all right.

2:42:24We've all heard it too many times.

2:42:25Sorry, but just randomly sitting next to him on a flight.

2:42:28It was like, it was such a treat.

2:42:30That's a gift. Just to hang out with him for fucking hours on a plane,

2:42:32just laughing and talking. Ah, Joe.

2:42:35He was great. Yeah. Joe over here.

2:42:37Solid dude. There's good people out there.

2:42:39Yeah. They exist. Yeah. Yeah.

2:42:41He was great. Yeah. And he changed Weekend Update.

2:42:44Oh, yeah. I mean, the fact that he got fired for being funny.

2:42:48He told the truth. He told the truth about OJ killing his wife and he

2:42:51got in trouble. Is that what happened?

2:42:52That's what it was. Is that what he got fired from Weekend Update?

2:42:53Because Olmeyer was like the head of NBC and he was friends with OJ.

2:42:58So he was like, stop shitting on OJ.

2:43:00He's a friend of mine.

2:43:01He's like, I can't. He's a murderer.

2:43:03That's crazy. You told him to stop shitting on OJ?

2:43:06And he kept doing it and he got fired.

2:43:08Really? That's what it was.

2:43:10That's crazy. Let me hear what he said.

2:43:14Back it up. Donald, and now the fake news.

2:43:19Well, it is finally official.

2:43:23I'll be honest, we can't play it?

2:43:25Okay. Okay, okay. We'll get in trouble.

2:43:27Yeah, you can see it.

2:43:28It's amazing. He's got a whole compilation.

2:43:30Let's wrap this bitch up and bring it home.

2:43:31All right. Mark Norman, you're the man.

2:43:33Appreciate you, brother. New special.

2:43:34Check it out. Out on Netflix.

2:43:36I know it's hilarious. I watched you work out some of the material.

2:43:38It's called None Too Pleased.

2:43:40It's available now. As of the time we're talking, it's number five.

2:43:44I'm sure it'll boost the fuck up after this.

2:43:47Hell yeah. Kick it up a notch.

2:43:48And I'll see you tonight.

2:43:50Thank you, sir. Let's fucking go.

2:43:51Comedy. Bye, everybody. We'll be right back.

#2471 - Mark Normand